Home
by littleoblivion
Summary: In the wake of an attack on the city, a pregnant JJ becomes consumed with fear and the need to protect those she loves. Will Emily be able to help her heal? Established Jemily, trigger warnings include terrorism and agoraphobia. Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**(Hey guys! Here is a new story that has been rolling around in my head. It was inspired partially by the Sept 18th explosion in Chelsea. I walked out of my job to find the streets covered in policemen and people lost and confused. It took me hours to get home to my little apartment in Brooklyn. I had to go back in to work the next morning, and it helped me personally to see that the city keeps moving. I also got to experience the people of New York banding together and helping each other in the aftermath, and it made it less terrifying that there are people out there who do horrible things. If I had been able to lock myself away in my apartment in the aftermath, I wouldn't have experienced that love and I would've only been left with fear. And that inspired this story.**

 **This is a Jemily fic, set in the last few seasons. No Will, no Henry. Trigger warnings include terrorism and phobias, specifically agoraphobia.**

 **Please read an review!**

 **Jordon.)**

" _The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned._ _" Maya Angelou_

Emily

As I open my eyes, all I can see is her beautiful shoulders, kissed by the sunshine streaming in through the windows. The lacy straps of her nightgown do nothing to hide the smooth, tanned skin of my wife's back. Propping my head up on my hand I smile gently as I watch her sleep. Even after two years of dating and four years of marriage, my breath is still taken away by the gorgeous creature that I get to call my wife. I want to run my lips over that skin, and kiss it the same way the sun is. Before I have the chance, I see her squirm, also waking.

When JJ turns over onto her back, I can't stop my small smile from stretching into a large grin. Even as she is still blinking into the morning sun, her hands begin to rub her swollen stomach. She realizes that I too am awake.

"Good morning." she whispers, her voice hoarse after a full night's rest.

"Morning. How did you sleep?"

She wrinkles her nose. "I would have slept great if someone," she sent a playful glare down at her stomach, hadn't decided the three am is a great time to practice flip and kicks!"

I moved further down until I could place a kiss on her stomach. "Y'know baby, that's not a very nice thing to do to Mommy." Rubbing my hand back and forth I turn back to address her. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Well there was no point in neither of us sleeping well. And plus you just looked so adorable and grumpy as you slept."

"Hey!" I laugh as I slide back up towards the headboard. "I do not look grumpy when I sleep."

She threw back her head laughing. "Oh but you do! You wrinkle your forehead. You don't even relax while you sleep."

"Y'know I'm feeling very attacked right now." I fake being hurt as I slowly bring my hands closer to her sides.

"Aw c'mon did say you were adorable after- EMILY!"

I had begun a sneaky tickle attack as she tried to soothe my hurt feelings. I tickled every part of her I could reach, taking care to be careful with the large stomach separating us. She jerked and squirmed, laughing until she couldn't breathe before I finally stopped. As she recovered I gently brushed a strand of long, blonde hair from her eyes.

"I love you so much, JJ."

She brought a hand up and cupped my cheek. "I love you, too, Emily."

She pulled me down for a tender kiss. However, soon the kiss became more passionate and exploratory and I force myself to pull away. I take in her pout, laughing. "Uh uh, don't give me that look. Last time we were late for work." I glance at the clock on her bedside table. "Which we might be anyway, if we don't hurry." I get out of bed, stretching my body. She groans but offers me a hand as I come around to her side of the bed. I take it and gently pull her upright. I give her another pack on the cheek, and we begin to get ready for the day.

When JJ had initially brought up the idea of having kids, I thought she was joking. I mean, sure we could adopt, but what judge was going to award us custody? We were agents in one of the most dangerous units in the FBI. We didn't have a steady schedule and we dealt with the sickest minds in the nation. And we couldn't exactly have a baby naturally. But when I had said as much to her, she had gently reminded me that with medical technology, that wasn't exactly true. It hadn't taken her months to get me on board with pursuing IVF. It wasn't that I didn't want children, I did. It was just our crazy jobs and the unknown of what we face. And I wasn't sure that I would make the best mother. My mother hadn't set a great example and when I had accidentally ended up pregnant as a teen I had chosen to have an abortion. This wasn't something that I regretted. If I had had that baby, I wouldn't have been able to chase my dreams. And I wouldn't have met JJ.

But in the end, the thought of JJ and I becoming a family, with a little one running around, her teaching them soccer and me teaching them piano, had won out. Almost two years ago we had begun the IVF treatments. We were surprised when just a few months in JJ had gotten pregnant. We were ecstatic, making plans and buying baby clothes. But a month later at the ultrasound, the doctor hadn't been able to locate a heartbeat. I'll never forget that feeling of despair. That night we just lay in bed, clutching each other, crying, until the sun finally rose. But we kept trying. And now, we were just a few months away from finally being parents.

I put the finishing touches on my eyeliner as JJ styled her hair. I applied lipstick then rested my head on her shoulder, looking at our reflection. Sometime she complained about what the weight gain had done to her body, but I personally felt she had never looked better. Her beautiful blonde hair was even thicker, her breasts fuller, her skin soft and dewy. And there was something indescribable about seeing her stomach, rounded underneath her shirt, that was so beautiful that my chest hurt.

"Just eight more weeks until they're here." she murmured quietly as I rubbed her stomach gently.

"I can't wait." I assured her. I disentangled myself from her and walk to the living room, grabbing my coffee from the console table as I pass. I unlocked the safe and pulled out our guns and badges, handing JJ hers.

"We'll have to take separate cars today," she reminded me. "They want me to write up a press release for White Collar."

I nodded. "What time will you be home?"

"Should be same time as you maybe, a little later."

"How do you feel about spaghetti for dinner?"

"That sounds great!" she exclaimed. "Oh but we're out of ground beef."

"No worries, I'll grab some on my way home. Maybe I can even pick up some of those macaroons you love from Patisserie Poupon."

She gave me a chaste kiss. "Emily Prentiss, you spoil me."

Work was thankfully quiet. I worked on my ever present pile of paperwork all day, only stopping to glance towards JJ's office every now and then. After lunch, she came by and gave me a kiss as she left for White Collar. "Don't forget the ground beef," she reminded me. "And don't forget the macaroon." she whispered in my ear. "I love you." she called over her shoulder as she left the bullpen.

"I love you too!" I caledl back, watching her leaving form.

"So how many months out are we Prentiss?" Morgan asked.

"Two. Eight weeks."

He let out a low whistle. "It's getting close. Now are you going to stop this nonsense and tell me if it's a boy or a girl?"

I laughed. "I already told you, we don't know and we don't want to know. It's going to be a surprise."

"Can it really be a surprise? I mean, the baby will be a boy or a girl, it's a fifty/fifty chance."

"Actually, it's not fifty/fifty. Your average pregnancy has a 51:49 chance of it being a boy as opposed to a girl. And scientists have found that when you conceive through IVF those chances go to 56:44 in favor of a boy." Reid adds from his desk.

"Oh yeah? And what's the chance of JJ having a know-it-all like you, pretty boy?" Mogan teased.

"Well actually, statistics can't necesarilly quantify-"

"Make it stop." Morgan deadpanned in my direction, cutting Reid off. I just laughed, thankful for my colleagues.

As I pulled into the driveway, I immediatly notice that JJ isn't home yet. I bustled inside with the grocery bag and the box from Patisserie. I unlock the front door and push it open,as my phone began to ring. I answered it, trying to keep from dropping everything on the ground.

"Prentiss."

"Emily are you okay?"

"Yeah mom, I'm fine. Why, what's wrong?" My mother rarely calls me, and never with panic in her voice. I dropped everything on the kitchen counter, pushing my hair out of my face.

"Haven't you heard?"

"Obviously not, Mother. What happened?"

"There was a bombing, some sort of explosion on 18th st, isn't that near your office?"

"Oh my god." I hurried into the living room and turned on the TV. Even with the volume low I could still see the pictures. There's smoke, and people running around. "Mother I have to go, I have to call-"

Just then the door opened and JJ came rushing in. I felt relief course through my body until I saw her face. Her face was pale and she was crying, trying to keep her brething under control.

"I have to go." I repeated into my phone before rushing to JJ. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?"

"I… I.." She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "I was at the White Collar office and when I was walking out I heard a big crash, so I ran outside and there were peopl everywhere. And smoke, and dust, and oh my god." She began to fan her face with her hands and I help her pull off her jacket. "I just wanted to get to my car so I could come home but police arrived and they were blocking stuff off and I just wanted to come home."

I pulled her into a hug. "You're home, baby, you made it home."

"I know, it's just, I was stuck there I wanted to make sure you were okay, and I needed to come home where it's safe."

I rubbed her back. I was a little taken aback. We saw blood and carnage everyday, and I had never seen JJ react this way. "Well you made it home. I'm safe, you're safe, the baby's safe. We are okay."

She began to cry harder. "Emily what if this was a bad idea. Bringing a baby into a world like this? Our world is bad, but even if you're a normal person you could just be walking down 18th street and all of a sudden there's a bomb, and how are we suposed to protect them from stuff like this?"

I pressed a kiss into her hair, at a loss for words. "I don't know, Jayje. I don't"


	2. Chapter 2

**(Hey guys! Wow, I got a lot of great feedback from you guys! Anyway, here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy and be sure to review and fave/follow. Also, I posted another chapter of one of my other fics, Nothing Left, earlier today, so be sure to check that out. It's the next to last chapter. Thanks guys! Jordon)**

" _The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown._ _" H. P. Lovecraft_

JJ

Thankfully, the next day is Saturday and Emily and I sleep far into the morning. Well, Emily does. I wake early, when the sun is just beginning to make an appearance outside. I lie on my side, watching the shadows appear and move on the wall behind my wife. I stared at her face, trying to commit her scowl to memory. _How can a person look so concerned while asleep? Maybe it's because deep down she knows that the outside world is unpredictable, and she's worried about the baby too._ I rubbed my hand gently over my stomach. Our child is quiet this morning, turning every now and then so that I know they are there. Last night it had taken hours for me to calm down. I was an FBI agent, I had seen things that were more horrendous than most people could possibly imagine. But when I closed my eyes all I could see were the red and blue lights being thrown against the buildings, smoke coming from unknown sources. I could hear the explosion, the panicked cries of pedestrians as they tried to make sense of what was happening. But the thing I could remember most was the feeling of this life kicking inside my body. My baby, this being I had been given to protect, was moving as if they too were scared. And I had to get away. I needed to go home. Once I was home I would be safe.

After Em and I finally go to bed, I am plagued by the day's events. I spend the night enraptured in nightmares every time I close my eyes.

It's almost noon when Emily finally blinks herself awake. Her dark hair is spilled across the pillow and she yawns as pulls herself into the world of the living. She sluggishly shakes her head, trying to shake herself into a more alert state. Then she turns and finds me next to her.

"Morning, sunshine."

I smile and lean in, kissing her on the lips. "Good morning. How did you sleep?"

"Well, suffice it to say that my dreams were sweet but you are sweeter." She captures my lips again. "What about you? Baby let you get any rest?"

I shrug. "Some."

She pulls me so that my head is on her chest and I'm snuggled in her arms. "What do you want to do today? We could go see that new museum exhibit Reid was talking about."

I yawn. "Or… we could stay here. And ravage each other for hours. And then you could ship us up some pancakes. And then we could ravage each other some more, maybe in the bathtub, or on the dining room table…" My hands have inched their way underneath her old Yale tee shirt she had worn to bed. I let my fingertips ghost up her spine.

"Why Agent Jareau, you are in quite the mood this morning." Emily smiles and rewards me with a slow, searing kiss. She tangles her hand in my hair. "But I know you've been wanting to go to the exhibit." I let my hand dip into her underwear and earn a deep gasp.

"I think the museum can wait."

Later that evening, we sit on the couch watching All About Eve. Our hair is wet from the shower and we are each holding Chinese take-out boxes. It's not quite the pancakes I had prophesied this morning in bed, but it was delicious. We watch as Marilyn Monroe spins around the screen. The baby gives a particularly hard kick and I gently press back.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I assure her. "Baby's just getting in their hand to hand combat training." I joke. We watch the beautiful actors and actresses flounce about in their black and white glory. I set my box of noodles down on the coffee table. "Hey babe?"

"Yeah Jayje?"

I shift so that I'm facing her. "What would you think about me going on maternity leave?"

"Well I mean you'll have to. Don't get me wrong, you're amazing but I don't think even you can give birth in the field. There would be all kinds of paperwork."

I roll my eyes. "No, I mean now."

"Now? Right now?"

"Yeah. What if on Monday I give my two weeks before taking leave?"

She furrows her brow, chopsticks stalled between her box of fried rice and her mouth. "But why? I mean we still have two months before the baby's due."

I nod. "Yeah no, I know that, but If I start maternity leave in two weeks that'll give me six weeks to really get prepared. I could deep clean the house, organize the baby's stuff, make sure we have everything we need. And y'know I could get some rest, before we have a little one screaming at all hours of the night." I gently poke her in the ribs.

"I mean, it's up to you babe. If you think it's time then definitely. Put in your notice. Hotch will understand. But don't you think it's gonna make you a little stir crazy, being here all day? You thrive off of being with other people, and you won't get that at home."

I smile gently. "I'll still have you. And I'm sure that Garcia would be more than happy to set up camp her at our place when you guys are out of town, keep me company. I'll be fine. And I can finally catch up on some Netflix, relax some. It'll be nice. A calm before the storm, if you will."

She runs her thumb across my knuckles. "Okay. Yeah, whatever you think is best." She kisses my cheek and I pick up my noodles from the coffee table, turning to cuddle into her side. She ran a warm hand over my belly, and I cherish this moment, the two and a half of us safe inside, hidden from the unknown dangers of the outside world.

 **(Please review!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**(Hey everyone! Here is chapter three! I'm pumped that everyone is really enjoying the story. I hope you enjoy this new installment. Also, I recently added a chapter to Something Desired, and the final chapter of Nothing Left should be coming within the next couple of days. So check them out! Anywho, here's the chapter, please review!)**

 _"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." Albert Einstein_

Emily

The weekend passes in beautiful, bliss. No cases come in and we spend the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday lounging around the house, luxoriating in each other's company. Unfortunately, Monday morning comes, as it always must. When I wake, JJ is missing from her place in bed beside me. I stumble sleepily down the stairs to find her sitting at the kitchen table, cradling a cup of coffee. Her legs are crossed underneath her rounded stomach and she is staring out the window into the backyard, her eyes far away.

"I thought you were cutting back?" I muse with a smile.

She turns to face me with a small smile. "It's decaf."

I can't help but wrinkle my nose. "Gross. What's the point?" I lean in and kiss her cheek, letting my hand run over her belly. "What are you doing up, anyway?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"The baby was kicking?"

She shakes her head, then looks back out the window. "Nope. Just can't sleep."

"I'm sorry baby." I pad into the kitchen and start up the keurig. "Do you need to shower?"

"No, I'm good."

"Alright, then I'm gonna hop in." I slide my favorite mug underneath the machine and press start. It's made of blue glass with a picture of the Space Needle etched into it in white, with small block letters spelling out 'Seattle, WA' underneath it. It's simple, but serves as a souvenier from the first trip JJ and I took together. We had taken off four days from the unit, six months after we had started dating. We flew out to Seattle and stayed in an amzing bed and breakfast, a rustic treehouse lodge overlooking a lake. We had been total tourists, even though we had been several times for work. We visited museums and the Seattle Aquarium, even taken in a soccer game at CenturyLink Field, much to JJ's delight. The last night we were there we went to the Space Needle and indulged in a wonderful dinner. JJ had worn an emerald green dress and red lipstick. When I watched her taking in the city, a glass of wine in her hand, I had been consummed with an adoration I had never felt before. It's the moment I realized that I loved Jennifer Jareau, and I didn't want to ever lose her.

I head upstairs and hop in the shower. I hurry through drying my hair, putting on my makeup. I go back downstairs to grab my coffee and find JJ still at the kitchen table.

"Babe what are you doing? You've gotta get moving, we're gonna be late." She looks over at me, startled.

"What?"

"JJ, it's super late, you need to get ready for work."

"Oh shit." She stands up and hurries up the stairs.

"We need to leave in like twenty minutes!" I call out after her. She had been distracted all weekend. I grab my cup of coffee and start to get dressed.

Somehow, she manages to get ready in the brief time. By the time I'm unlocking the safe and pulling out our guns, she is coming downstairs, dressed and pulling her hair into a low ponytail.

"Y'know, I never stop being amazed by you." I tell her. She laughs and leans in to kiss me.

"That's how I like it." I hand over her gun and open the front door, walking to the SUV as I holster my own weapon. JJ follows a few steps behind. I slide behind the wheel as she buckles in to the passenger seat. I pull away from the curb, making my way onto the highway. I begin flipping through radio stations, finally settling on an old Nirvana song. I let myself hum along as we slowly became immeshed in traffic on 95. I tap along to the beat on the steering wheel as our car comes to a standstill.

"Man I've always loved Nirvana. Their music was the soundtrack to my high school experience. When Cobain died, I was just, devastated. Did you listen to them? Well, I can't really picture you being the Nirvana type. What did you listen to when you were angsty? JJ?" I finally looked over at her and saw the tears pouring down her face. "JJ! What's wrong?" I reached out to try to grab her hand and she tore it way.

"I'm fine!" she gasped. She swiped her hands across her cheeks and then tore them through her hair. "I'm fine, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. What's wrong? Is it the baby?" I could feel panic begin to stir up in my veins.

"No! No… I'm just, I don't feel safe here."

My brow furrows. "Don't feel safe here? Like, in the SUV?"

"Yes! Well, no. I don't feel safe, out here. There's too many people. I just-" I watch her helplessly, completely baffled by this turn of events.

"Too many people? Jayje we're the only one's here."

She turns her head to me, her eyes wide with a terror I've never seen from her. "But we're here, on this highway. Nothing is protecting us. What if something happens? What if there was an accident? Or an attack? It can't be safe to be in a place with so many people gathered together, it makes us a target, especially when we're headed to Quantico. It's not safe. We're not safe!"

"JJ calm down!"

"I am calm! I'm just trying to keep our baby safe!"

"Okay… Okay… What do you want me to do? We have to be on this road in order to get to work."

"I can't- I need to go home. Now!"

"What do you want me to do, JJ? We are literally stuck in traffic in the middle of 95. I can't go anywhere-"

"I need you to take me home, Emily. Please." She now reaches across the console and grabs my hand, clutching it so hard it felt like she would break it. Her tear streaked face breaks my heart. "Please baby. I just need to go home. Please take me home. Please. I need you to take me back home."

I find myself nodding at my beautiful wife. "Okay, baby. I'll get you home. But it's going to take me a minute, okay? Just hold on for me." She nods frantically back at me and I wipe tears from her cheek. I turn back to the road. I flip on my lights, feeling slightly guilty for misusing my power, and merge on to the nearest access road.

* * *

I arrive at the office a full hour and a half late. I had called Hotch to let him know that JJ would be taking a sick day of course, but I still feel bad as a hurry across the bull pen, setting my things down at my desk.

"Everything okay, Prentiss?"

I sigh and turn to face Derek. "Yeah, it' all fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

He regards me in silence for a moment. "Did you and JJ have a fight?"

I finally turn to face him. "Not so much. We were headed here and she just… Freaked out."

"Freaked out? What do you mean?"

I shrug, at a loss for words. "I don't know, I mean we were driving here and listening to the radio and I was talking, and I look over and she's just crying. Like scary, silent tears. And so I tried to ask her what was wrong and she just kept saying that she didn't feel safe, and that she wanted to go home." I shrug out of my blazer. "So I took her home."

"Why didn't she feel safe?" Dereck's eyebrows were pulled in in confusion.

"I don't know! Like I said, it just kind of came out of the blue."

"Well did something change recently?"

I rack my brain. "Well she was at the White Collar office on Friday right before the explosion. She was really upset but we spent all weekend together, it never came back up. And it said on the news that they caught the guy."

Dereck leaned back in his chair. "Well, maybe this is just a pregnancy thing, y'know? Her hormones are all over the place. I remember when my sister was pregnant I once said that she looked like she was having a healthy pregnancy and she started cryin' and carrying on for hours. Pregnancy does crazy things!"

I scoff. "But that's not JJ. Really she hasn't been any moodier during the pregnancy." He raises his eyebrows at me and I laugh then concede, "Okay she's a little more likely to tear up at a pet commercial. But this was just so unlike her."

"Has she been getting enough sleep?"

I think about it. "Well… Probably not as much as she should be. She was already up and downstair when I woke up this morning."

"She's probably just tired. She's tired, and excited about the baby coming, and nervous about juggling work, and it's all a little bit overwhelming. She just needs a little time to sort herself out. JJ's strong, she's gonna fine."

I smile at my partner, thankful for his reassuring words. "You're right. Of course. She'll be fine. I just don't like her being so upset."

"I know you don't. But that's what makes you a great wife." I give him a smile, and we turn back to our respective omputers.


	4. Chapter 4

**(Hello everyone! Here I am, back with the fourth chapter! I hope everyone is enjoying the story progression, I would love some feedback! Also on a side note, the bed and breakfast I wrote about in Chapter 3 really exists! It's called Cottage Lake Tree House Bed and Breakfast. Google it. I'm a little obsessed with it. Please, live my dreams and take your honey there. It looks so beautiful. Also! I've begun to write final chapter for Nothing Left, it should be up within the week. So be on the lookout. And without further ado, Chapter four. Please review!)**

 _"To fight fear, act. To increase fear - wait, put off, postpone." David Jospeh Schwartz_

JJ

True to her word, Emily turns the car around and takes me home. Part of me is embarrassed, this isn't me, I don't freak out like this, unprovoked. But I am mainly just thankful that I have a brilliant, loving wife who is getting me off this highway and returning me to our town home.

We don't really speak on the twenty minute ride back. She asks if I'm okay a few times and I reassure her that I am, that I will be as soon as I get home. Which is mostly true. I didn't sleep well last night. I had woken from a nightmare at five am, before the sun had begun it's slow rise into the sky. In my dream, Emily and I were out at the park. I had already had the baby and they were in an old fashioned pram a few feet from where we were lounging on a blanket, also dressed in late 1940s garb. I was teasing her and she was laughing, the wonderful, loud, open mouthed laugh that she normally kept hidden from the world. Her beautiful dark hair was curled and pinned back from her face. The joke I was telling was making me giggle as well, so I almost missed it. Missed the high pitched whine, coming from the sky. I turned away from Emily and sat up, looking for the source. No one else in the park could seem to hear it. Emily kept laughing. I stood up from the blanket and walked a few steps away, still searching. A few steps further and finally, a shadow crossed the sun and I realized that the whine is coming from a bomb. It looked old fashioned, like the World War II missiles you see in movies. It was coming straight for us, bearing down at an unimaginable speed. I turned frantically trying to get back to Emily and the baby. I needed to save them, we had to leave. But when I turned back, Emily was still laughing. I screamed out to come on, we had to go, but she just laughed. I tried to run to her, to save my family, but my legs were too heavy. I couldn't move. The baby began to cry. I looked up and saw the missile was almost upon us. I desperately stretched out my hand and then-

I had woken up, covered in sweat and shaking. I had sat in our bed for several minutes, trying to calm down but was eventually afraid that my shaking was going to wake up Em. So I had crept out of our bedroom and went downstairs.

She pulls up to the curb and I gratefully unbuckle my seat belt and push open the door. I don't even bother to grab my purse, so Emily brings it in. Once inside the house, my heart finally feels like I'm not running a marathon. The baby stops kicking so hard and I can breathe. Emily runs a hand across my shoulders.

"Are you gonna be okay?"

I nod, trying to give her a reassuring smile. "Yeah. I just… I feel like I need to stay home today. Does that make sense?"

She nods, but I can see in her eyes that it does not. "Do you need me to stay home with you? This stress probably isn't great for the baby…"

Guilt slithers into my gut. The baby. In my panic to get home and protect them, I hadn't even considered what the terror I was feeling was doing to them. Some mother I was. I slide my hands underneath my belly, silently apologizing to the little one.

"I'll be fine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak out…"

"No, no, don't apologize."

I rest my head against her chest. "But to make you turn around bring me back…"

She puts a hand under my chin and brings my lips up for a kiss. "Hey. For better or for worse, remember? And if this is the worst then we're doing just fine." Her loving voice soothes me. I reassure her that I will be fine, that she can go to work, and she leaves. I sit on the couch and close my eyes. The silence is all at once deafening and welcome. I rub my hand over my belly. The baby rewards me with an especially hard kick into my hand.

"We're home." I tell them. "We made it home."

I spend my day padding around the house. I keep the TV turned on in the background as I wash dishes, start some laundry, and tidy our home. We're often so busy that the house falls into disarray, which is unfortunate because it's beautiful. I had moved into Emily's apartment after we got engaged and in the months leading up to the wedding we had spent every spare afternoon attending open houses trying to find our first home together. The minute we had stepped into the 1906 brick town home, we were in love. The open floor plan, the windows that bathed the room in sunlight. It even had a little backyard, something I had been very insistent about. I hadn't yet brought it up to Emily, but I desperately wanted children. And I wanted a backyard in which to play with them.

I find myself standing at the back door, looking at the small, fenced in space. I think about taking a book from the shelf and going out to sit on the little bench, but I don't. No, I just want to stay inside today. Which is fine! Growing another human being is exhausting work and I was allowed to have a little bit of time to myself, and if I wanted that time to be spent inside the confines of the century old walls, that was fine too. Everything was fine.

I wake hours later to the ringing of my phone. I'm confused because I didn't mean to fall asleep when I had settled on to the couch, but rather to read part of my What to Expect book and maybe look over some case files. I blearily pat around until I find my phone underneath the blanket I'm snuggled under.

"Hello?"

"JJ! Hey baby, I'm calling because we just got a case in Palo Alto, we're about to board the plane."

"Oh… okay uhm, do I need to come to the BAU?" I'm still half asleep and my mind is moving rather slowly.

"No it's fine, since you aren't feeling well Hotch suggested that you work the case from Garcia's office."

"Is he sure?"

"Of course! He all but insisted. But I have to admit, I don't feel great about leaving you home by yourself. Are you feeling better?" She drops her voice a bit. "I mean about this morning?"

I can't help but glance uneasily outside the darkening window. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm fine baby. I think I'm just a little overworked. I actually just woke up from a nap."

"Oh! Well I'll let you get back to resting. I have to get my stuff together, but call Garcia if you need anything, okay? And I mean anything. And if something happens and she can't come, you could call my mother. She's not super nurturing but she could commandeer you a jet if need be. Or you could call Strauss… Oh! Maybe you could call Jess? Hotch's sister in law? She watches Jack, I'm sure she could help out in some way."

I laugh as her brilliant mind takes off on possibilities. "Emily I'll be fine. Promise. If I need anything I will call Garcia. But I won't need anything. Because everything is going to be okay and you'll be home as soon as you can."

"Okay baby… I'm gonna let you go. And when I get home, I'm going to buy you macaroons from Patisserie."

"Mmm. I love you, baby. Be safe."

"I love you too. I will."

I hang up and slowly cast my eyes around the living room, illuminated only by the dying light from the windows and the blue glow of the TV. For the first time, I feel a little lonely. But then I receive a gentle nudge in the ribs, and I tenderly doodle my fingernail over my swollen stomach. I'm not alone.

 **(Tell me what you think! Leave me a review!)**


	5. Chapter 5

**(Alright! Chapter 5! A few things**

 **1\. I changed my username from Jordon5 to littleoblivion. This is in reference to the E.E. Cummings poem, Don't get Me Worng Oblivion, which is wonderful and you should read it.**

 **2\. I posted the last chapter for Nothing Left earlier today and it is officially complete! Please feel free to read if you haven't already.**

 **3\. I encourage you to be thoroughly impressed by the math I did to write the statistical overview that Reid gives at the end of this chapter.**

 **4\. Oh I changed the city the team is visiting from Palo Alto to Orlando. It flows better with timelines.**

 **Anywho, read and review!)**

 _"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past." Thomas Jefferson_

Emily

On the plane ride to Orlando, I try to focus on the case in front of me but I have a hard time focusing. To be honest, I'm concerned about leaving JJ home alone. Yes, my brilliant wife was strong and independent, but especially following this morning's meltdown, I wanted to be with her. Not to mention, every day brought us closer to the baby's arrival. _What if she goes into labor and I'm not there?_ This was of course a very real possibility. So much of my time was spent across the nation and I was more than a little worried that she would go into labor while I was in the field.

Of course, if that were to happen I would fight tooth and nail to get back home. Hotch hadn't said as much but I was fairly sure that the BAU jet would be at my disposal should this happen. And I hadn't been kidding about what I told JJ; my mother was not above calling in favors from high places when needed. This was something that I had hated as a teenager of course. There is nothing quicker to reassure your classmates of your freak status than your diplomat mother bringing in the prime minister to talk to your class. We have admittedly not had the greatest relationship throughout the years. I don't think I'll ever forget the awful night when I had confessed to my mother I had not only gotten pregnant but then gotten an abortion.

 _I had had the procedure done the day before. It hadn't been at the most reputable of clinics. I was of course underage and Italians weren't exactly pro-choice, so my friend Matthew found a doctor in a town a few hours from Rome. It had been over quickly and I hadn't had any major complications; for this I count myself lucky. I had access to large amounts of money thanks to swiping my mother's pocketbook and a wonderful friend who was willing to help me. If I had been forced to go the back alley option like many girls in my position I could have died._

 _Even though the procedure had gone well, I was experiencing some major stomach pain. I assumed and frankly hoped that this was normal. One of the cramps had just passed when Mother came bursting into my room._

" _Emily Elizabeth Prentiss! What the hell is wrong with you? You stole my checkbook? What if you had been busted with it, and been arrested? Do you ever stop to think out the consequences of your actions?" Her words hit more than she knew. I could feel the pain coming back and a sweat broke out across my brow._

" _Mom, I-"_

" _And what exactly was so Goddamned important that you needed to steal money from your own mother? Is this drugs? Emily Prentiss are you on drugs?" I could see the fire blazing in her eyes and spit flew from her mouth as she yelled._

" _What? No, I'm not on drugs, it's not-" I let out a gasp and clutched my abdomen as the pain became acutely sharp._

" _Oh please spare the theatrics, you're not getting out of this that easy." I fought the urge to roll my eyes and instead gritted my teeth._

" _I am not doing drugs, that's not what this is about. Can you please just-" I squeezed my eyes shut as the pain strengthened._

" _Then what? Why did you steal my checkbook?"_

" _It's not important!" I desperately cried._

" _Something obviously was very important. Stop being so dramatic and tell me- Oh my God, Emily!" I had sunk to my knees, hands pressed to my stomach. She knelt in front of me. "What's wrong?" She demanded, concern creeping into her voice. I could only moan in response._

" _I'm going to call an ambulance." She began to stand and I clutched her arm._

" _Don't." I whispered._

" _Emily, you're sick, you need a doctor."_

" _I'm fine." I insisted, shaking my head._

" _You are obviously not and frankly this is absurd-"_

" _I got pregnant." I blurted out._

 _Time seemed to stand still. I finally managed to raise my eyes and look at her as the pain began to lessen._

 _Her face was frozen in shock, and then her shoulders sagged as she let out a ragged exhale. "Emily… No." She seemed to age twenty years in front of my very eyes._

" _I'm so sorry, I didn't… I thought I was… I'm sorry."_

" _You had such a promising future." I began to cry, partially because of the disappoint in her voice but also because it was one of the only times I could remember her acknowledging how hard I worked to make her proud._

" _Mother, I… I…" The pain hit my stomach again and I leaned over._

" _We'll get through this. We can find… Some sort of boarding facility. Where you can go and have the baby. And then it'll go to some family. Then you can come back and continue your studies. And we can put this behind us." Her face was once again calm and collected. My sobs intensified._

" _No… No…"_

" _Emily yes. We cannot let this ruin your life. You are too smart, too talented to be reduced down to some knocked up idiot girl, raising the babies of a lowly Italian punk who doesn't care if she lives or dies!"_

" _Well don't worry, because I'm not having anyone's baby!" I yelled out, anger finally getting the best of me._

 _She turned her head to the side, ever so slightly. "What… Emily what do… Oh my God…" The last part came out in a horrified whisper. "What have you done?"_

" _I'm sorry! I was so scared! I'm not ready to be a mother. And I didn't want to disappoint you. So I… I… I'm sorry Mother." The tears streamed down my face as I desperately apologized._

 _We stayed like this, both on the floor, me sobbing and clutching my stomach, her sitting back on her heels, watching me with blank eyes, for what seemed like hours. Then she stood and walked for the doorway._

" _You say you didn't want to disappoint me, Emily… But this. You getting a… You should have told me… I can't believe you did this." And she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her and leaving me crying on my bedroom floor._

We haven't spoken of the abortion since. A few years later I graduated high school and went to Yale. I had worked tirelessly to put it behind me and make her proud. And for the most part, I like to think that I have succeeded.

As we settle in for the rest of the flight, I find myself next to Rossi.

"You said Jen is under the weather, right?"

I nod. "Yeah. She's not feeling great so she's staying home and working from the Bureau."

He nods back at me. "And you? How are you feeling? Nervous?"

I smile and let out a slight chuckle. "Nervous is definitely a word I could use. We're seven and a half weeks out. But… I like to think that we're ready."

"Well I'll let you in on a secret: You're not."

I can't help but laugh. "Thanks for the vote of confidence!"

He smiles back and ruefully shakes his head at me. "Don't get me wrong! I'm sure that you're very prepared. But reading the books, preparing the nursery, going to the crazy breathing classes… It helps but believe me when I say that you two will be scared shitless when she goes in to labor. And when she finally has the baby. And probably the first couple of months. But it'll be okay because that's just the road of a new parent."

Oh I don't doubt you." I lower my voice a bit so that only can hear me. "I'm worried I won't know what to do. I mean, JJ yeah, she's going to be a great mom, no doubt about it. But I'm not like her! And… I don't know. I'm so excited. But I'm worried I won't take to the role of 'Mom' as naturally as she will."

"You shouldn't doubt yourself, Em." He looks at me for a moment. "Is this feeling because of Italy?"

I clear my throat. "Partially I guess. I would definitely consider it a factor."

"Well, you shouldn't let it weigh in on this happy time. You were young. You did what needed to be done." He says simply. "And as for you not naturally being a maternal being, I think you're selling yourself short. I've seen you work with kids in the field. Hell, I've seen you take care of Reid." We both smile as he jerks a thumb towards our unit's youngest member. "It's going to be fine. Just wait and see."

We arrive in Orlando and go to the hotel. It's already dark and it will be more efficient to get a good night's rest and wait to visit the police station first thing in the morning. We check in and I find myself alone in a small room overlooking the back alley. It makes me miss Jayje. Even years ago, before we got married, before we began dating, before I had even admitted to anyone in the unit that I was attracted to women, we had shared a hotel room when in the field. It was nice to have someone in the other bed, someone who I could bounce ideas off of while I waited for sleep to come. Of course, once we became an item we began to share a bed. It made the awful cases a little bit better to be able to hold her in my arms and breathe in her sweet scent. It kept away the nightmares.

I change into pajamas and wash my face. I think about calling JJ to let her know that I'm at the hotel and all is well, but decide to instead send a text. I had already woken her up once today, and God knows she needed rest. I send the message and turn out the lights, snuggling under the sheets while missing my other half.

The next morning finds us at the police station. We are set up in a conference room, crime scene photos and maps already pinned to boards for us. We are chasing a serial killer who is killing men throughout the city. All the victims were white and in their late thirties to early forties, but that's where the similarities ended. The victimology crossed economic brackets and neighborhoods. Two were married and one was in a relationship, with only one having children.

"Could they just be victims of opportunity?" Morgan throws out.

"But what are the chances of it being three white guys in their late thirties?" I ask.

"Actually, the odds are decent. Orlando is thought of as being very ethnically diverse but 63.4% of the population is white. Compute that with the fact that 48.4% of the city is male and 16.2% is in the desired age bracket and it comes to 4.97% of the city. Meaning that with an approximate population of 185,951 residents, the unsub is pulling from a potential suspect pool of 9,242, rounding up. Well, 9,239, giving the recent events. Really, the largest possible suspect pool when looking at the most local census would be white females, ages 25-34, who at 12,366 make up 6.65% of Orlando."

I try not to look impressed by the sheer enigma that is Spencer Reid and fail dismally.

"Well… Be that as it may, we still don't have a why. What makes these men special out of the 9200 that Reid has so helpfully supplied?" Rossi asks.

Hotch's phone rings and he presses accept. "You're own speaker Garcia, what have you got?"

"Okay so I've been doing some digging and I've uncovered a whole lot of icky. I was checking into bank statements, phone records, medical junk, my usual jazz, when I noticed that all three of our victims had visited the emergency room several times in the past couple of years."

"They were ill?" questions Hotch.

"See no, they were all fine, but y'know who wasn't fine? Their wives and girlfriends, who were all brought in for a myriad of injuries such as sprained wrists, black eyes, and I quote 'falling down the stairs.' So I watched a video of a baby panda riding a rocking horse for a bit and then I looked into the victims' criminal histories. Turns out the Rodney Eckles had been married previously and his wife filed for a divorce after he beat her within an inch of her life with a baseball bat and Joe Henderson had been in fights his entire life, not discriminating about what gender he was walloping."

"They're all domestic abusers. That has to be the link." states Morgan.

"But how is this unsub finding that out?" Reid twirls a pencil between his fingers as he leans back in his chair.

"Thanks Garcia. Oh, and is JJ in your office with you?" I ask before Hotch hangs up.

"Oh our resident bun in the oven wasn't feeling well so she is still at home. But at 5 o'clock I am turning off my computer and relocating to your living room so I can supply JJ with soup and yummy ice cream. But I will be available via cellphone if you need my tactical brilliance."

"Oh… Okay well keep us updated. On both fronts!" I try to avoid the funny feeling in my stomach. This was not like JJ. She didn't take sick days. Even when she honestly should she always shouldered on. Her taking two did not bode well with me at all. What in the world was going on?


	6. Chapter 6

**(Hey everyone! Sorry about the delay. School was crazy and then the Presidential Election happened and I had to have a mini meltdown about y'know my future as a woman in American and what was going to happen to my LGBTQ friends and the POC in my life and then I came down with the flu. So overall not a great past week. BUT. Here we are. Chapter 6. I hope you enjoy. Please review.)**

" _Many a time freedom has been rolled back - and always for the same sorry reason: fear._ _" Molly Ivins_

JJ

Every part of me had intended to go into work this morning. I truly did. After a night of terrible nightmares involving flashing red and blue lights, and pillars of smoke, and not being able to find Emily, I had woken up alone in our house and steeled myself to face this day. I had gotten up and gotten ready for the day.

I had showered. I had fixed my hair, applied makeup. I had made myself breakfast. I was ready in plenty of time. But when I found myself in the entryway, staring out the glass door at the street, I couldn't force myself to open it. I had angrily commanded my hand to reach out and grab the door handle, to turn it and push it open and step out into the breezy morning. I needed to go to work. But my heart pounded in my chest, refusing to let me follow through. My breathing had begun to speed up and the baby had proceeded to wriggle and flip within me so I impulsively stepped back and closed the wooden door. Even this simple action, blocking my view of our front yard and street, made me feel a little better.

With a shaky breath I had called Penelope and let her know that I was still feeling unwell and that I would be working from home. After assuring her that I definitely did not need to go to the doctor and that I did not need her to come to the house, I finally convinced her to send me the files so that I could work the case from home. And so that's what I'm doing. I have the crime scene pictures taped up along the wall of our living room, the files spread out on the coffee table. I've been in contact with Garcia and the team members in the field throughout the day, relaying information and theories. We hadn't had many leads other than the ME determining that the victims had been shot once from about twenty feet away then finished off with a point blank shot to the face. The one person I haven't really spoken with was my wife. It isn't necessarily that I'm avoiding Emily, I'm just not sure how she is going to react to me staying home again. I can tell that she is worried about me. And I hate that. We are so stressed, all the time. I don't want to add to that. And I also don't have an adequate reason as to why I'm staying home. It would be one thing if I had been experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions or pain or discomfort of some kind. Hell, if I had a runny nose that would be a better reason to stay home than _I'm scared._ Because when it comes down to it… That's what's wrong. I'm scared of something happening to me or the baby and home just seemed like the safest option right now. And isn't that what we continually taught people at the BAU? To tune into their bodies, and trust their instincts? Instincts evolved from thousands of years of trying to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe from harm. That's all I am doing.

At 5:30 I find myself standing in front of my makeshift cork board chewing on the side of my fingernail. Something doesn't quite fit, but I can't put my finger on it. The sound of the doorbell pulls me from my thoughts. I pull open the wooden door to find one Penelope Garcia, in all of her purple sequin glory standing on our front porch. She gives me a wide, gleeful smile and holds up several plastic grocery bags. I can't help but laugh as I push open the glass door and let her in.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well you said you weren't feeling good and Em's in the field so I figured you could do with some company. And I come baring food!" After she bustles in, I close the door firmly against the outside world. "I hope you're hungry because I brought like three different kinds of soup, and some crackers, and I also bought us a tub of caramel brownie ice cream."

"Oooh that all sounds delicious!" Truth be told, I'm glad Garcia's here. I had begun to feel a little bit lonely without Emily here.

She sets up her laptop on the kitchen table then insists that I sit and wait as she prepares my soup. I concede, curling my legs up underneath me as she bustles about our kitchen. As she slides the bowl of chicken and stars in front of me, her phone rings.

"You're go for Penelope, Reigning Queen of all Available Intellect, currently based out of Kingdom of Matrimonial Bliss and Cute Baby on the Way, what dragon may I conquer for you this evening?"

"I take this to mean you're in my house?" My wife's voice comes across the line with a slight chuckle.

"That would be correct." I tell her.

"How are you feeling, Jen?" I can hear Rossi ask, and assume we are on speaker.

"Uhm…" I nervously rub my hand over my stomach as I swirl my spoon through my soup. "I'm okay. I have Penelope here now and she brought like every kind of soup the grocery store had, so I think I'll be okay."

"Garcia I need you to compile a list of any men in the area who would somehow know that our victims were domestic abusers." Hotch pauses as Garcia begins to type information into her computer. "It could be that he's a counselor of some sort, maybe law enforcement. He might even work at a shelter."

"Okay, searching…" Her computer dings. "Eh okay so that brought up quite a few names. Like 2000 names."

"Narrow it down to men in their thirties, who either have access to guns through their jobs or have a registered firearm." says Morgan.

"Okay… still like 450 names."

I'm standing in front of the pictures again. "Wait… what if we're thinking about this the wrong way?" I call.

"What do you mean?" asks Hotch.

"Well the men were all shot in the chest, from a sizable distance. Why stay so far away?"

"Maybe as a forensic countermeasure? Harder to get caught?" Morgan sounds just as stumped as I feel.

"What if it's because the unsub knows that the victims are dangerous and didn't want to risk being physically overpowered?"

"You mean someone that's physically weak, or handicapped in some way?"

I chew on the inside of my cheek. "Not quite so far as that. What… What if the unsub is a woman? I mean, I know that female serial killers are a rarity in themselves, and those that exist don't tend to kill with guns, but what if it is? And she's shooting from far away to protect herself and then approaching once they're wounded to finish off the job?"

"That would make sense. Garcia search the same perimeters but with women." Hotch says.

"But expand the age perimeters, starting at 30, ending at 50. If this is a female unsub, this reads very mature, It's almost calculated. I'm not in the room with them, but I can almost see Rossi stroking his goatee as he stares at the photo board.

"Okay, so a lot fewer names, 187. But I'll need more to narrow it down."

"Can you cross check all those names with our victims, see if there are any who interacted with all three?"

"Uhm, are people who skip the ninth Doctor complete idiots? Of course I can, but it will take me a few shakes. I will hit you back when I have some results."

"Thanks, Garcia. Oh and JJ?" There's a click and her voice is clearer, she must have taken us off speaker. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

I take Penelope's phone and also tap the speakerphone, bringing it to my ear. "Yeah babe?"

I can hear the voices of our coworkers get farther away and a door closes, she's left the room they were in. "Baby what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I walk away from the dining room table towards the kitchen, smoothing my hand over my stomach.

"You stayed home again? Is everything okay? Are you in pain? Is the baby alright?"

"The baby's fine!" I rush to assure her. "I just wasn't feeling well."

"Not feeling well how? JJ if something is wrong you need to go to the midwife, you need a check up."

"Emily the baby is fine. They're moving and squirming and kicking. I don't need to go to the midwife."

"Well I'm glad to hear it. But honey you're scaring did you stay home?"

I sigh in frustration, pinching the bridge of my nose. I don't have to look behind me to know that Pen is trying her hardest to respect my privacy and not eavesdrop. I drop my voice. "I don't feel safe."

Now it's Emily's turn to sigh at me. "JJ I don't understand-"

"I know it doesn't make sense, okay? I don't need your judgment on top of what I'm already feeling-"

"Jayje-"

"-which is like a huge, crazy, pregnant woman who is losing goddamn mind." I finish.

She pauses a moment and I know he is picking her words carefully. "JJ I never sad you were crazy. And I'm not judging you. I'm just… at a loss as to why you are so freaked out all of a sudden. Is this- Is this about what happened at White Collar?"

Her voice is incredulous, disbelieving almost, but the mere mention means that visions of terrified pedestrians and smoke filled air assaults my mind. "No, of course not." I snap. "I'm sorry but I just feel like the world is a little fucked up right now and I feel safest at home, where I can keep our unborn child away from all of it!"

"Oh so we're just going to keep the baby in the house for the rest of it's life? We'll be a great little hermit family." she retorts. Emily and I don't fight often, but when we do it can get pretty heated. We're both exceedingly passionate people.

"Maybe we will! We can find a nice underground bunker to move into!" I sarcastically suggest.

She lets out a slow breath. "JJ I can't do this right now. I'm in the field and I need to focus." I purse my lips and don't respond. "Hey. Hey! I love you. I really do. I love you and I care about you and we'll get this figured out. Okay?"

I can feel some of the anger begin to release from my body. "Okay. I love you. And baby loves you. I can't wait for you to be home."

"Me either, baby. I'll call you tonight before I go to bed, okay?" We say goodnight and I hang up the phone. I return to the table, where my soup is now almost room temperature.

"Is… Everything okay? You can talk to me, y'know. I'm a good listener." Penelope covers my hand with her own. I smile back at her.

"Yeah, it's just… It's hard. Em being away and me being so pregnant."

"Well, it it's any consolation, I am not a crazy pregnant woman, well, I'm not pregnant, and I also feel like the world can be a big, scary, icky place. And sometimes it is nice to just be in your own home and feel that security. And I think Emily will understand that if you talk to her."

I give her hand a squeeze. "Thanks, Pen. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you."

She gives me a cheeky smile. "And I haven't even made you an ice cream sundae yet!"

 **(A review would be just lovely.)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here we go! Chapter 7! Also, I'm about to post a fluffy one shot featuring Derek/Spencer which is super exciting because a) I've never written man love before. Like ever. In the like 7 years I've been writing fanfiction. and b) it was brought to my attention that I very rarely write fluff. So if that sounds like something you would enjoy, it's called The Perfect Day. Read and review, tell me how you like this chapter!)**

" _The best protection any woman can have… is courage." Elizabeth Cady Stanton_

Emily

Almost twenty four hours have passed and it doesn't feel like we're any closer. And to make things worse, another man had been killed last night, same MO as our unsub. Garcia was crawling through his life to determine if he also had a history of domestic abuse.

"How is the unsub finding these men?" Morgan asks in frustration. We're on our way to the latest victim's house to speak with his wife, Luciana.

I let out a harsh breath. "I don't know. Garcia cross checked everyone in law enforcement, shelter workers, counselors. No one matched."

"We have to be missing something."

I nod. "But what? We're running out of time. It's our second full day here and it doesn't feel like we've made any headway. And we're up another body." We're silent for a moment. "I know it's awful to think but… Never mind." I shake my head, not wanting to finish my thought aloud.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"If someone had to be dying, part of you is okay that it's these wife beaters?" I glance at him, not disagreeing. "Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind too."

"It's just… The worst thing I can possibly think of is something happening to JJ or the baby. Before she got pregnant and was still actively in the field dealing with unsubs, when she would get hurt in hand to hand…" I let a shaky breath. "Seeing it happen would hurt worse than if it were happening to me. And in the days after, seeing the leftover bruises would make my stomach turn. The thought of me physically doing that, inflicting those wounds on someone that I profess to love… I just can't."

"I get it. We took an oath to protect others. And there's a tiny part of me that not only understands why this unsub is doing this but even applauds them. Any bastard who raises a hand to the ones he loves isn't a man in my book. But unfortunately our oath includes protecting them too."

"Don't I know it." We're now parked in front of a small brick multi family home. We get out of the SUV and approach. We find the right door and I knock. After a few moments, someone knocks back. Morgan and I look at each other. I knock again, repeating the same rhythm they did.

"Hello?" I ask. The door cracks open and a tiny face with huge brown eyes appears in the space. I kneel down so I'm on his level. "Hey buddy. My name is Emily and this is my friend Derek. We're police officers, is your mommy home?" He nods but doesn't move. "Could we maybe talk to her?"

"Dominick? Baby you can't open the door without me!" We hear a female voice call from within. The little boy steps back and the door opens to reveal Luciana Wright. She has long, straight black hair and brown almond shaped eyes, one of which is barely visible through the swelling of a black eye. Her most prominent feature however is a swollen, very pregnant belly. The little boy, Dominick, grabs onto her leg and buries his face in her side and she tousles his hair.

"Can I help you?" she asks. My mouth is dry and I can't seem to inhale enough air to speak so Morgan takes over.

"Yes ma'am, I'm agent Morgan with the FBI and this is my partner, Agent Prentiss. We were wondering if we could ask you some questions about your husband."

She pulls the little boy a little bit closer to her. "Now really isn't a good time."

I find my voice. "Ma'am I understand this is difficult but it's very important we talk to you."

She hesitates then nods, letting us step into the house. It's small but warmly furnished. There are several photos of Dominick on the walls, a few of them also including Luciana and her late husband, Stephen. She leads us to the living room and motions for us to sit on the couch.

"Dominick, mijo, ir a jugar por favor." He nods and leaves the room, keeping his big brown eyes focused on us for as long as he can.

"How can I help you?" Her hands smooth her shirt over her rounded stomach and my heart aches for JJ.

"How far along are you?" I ask.

"37 weeks."

"Wow, you're almost there."

She nods, giving me a small smile. "Do you have kids?"

I pause. "I have one on the way. Only 33 weeks though."

Her eyes flicker to my stomach and then my left hand, where my wedding ring sits. When I don't supply anything else, she just nods. "Catch up on sleep while you can."

"That's what we've been told." I clear my throat. "We're here to ask about your husband. When was the last time you saw Stephen?"

She chews on her lip and looks above our heads. "The night before last. He got home from work and dinner wasn't ready because I had been at a parent's night at Dom's daycare. We got into a fight and well," she brought a hand self consciously to her black eye. "Things got rough. He took me to the emergency room and when we got home we went to bed. I woke up yesterday morning and he had already left for work. Then last night I got the call."

"Did he get rough with you often?" Morgan asks.

She gives a humorless laugh. "Not at first. Things were fine while we were dating and even when we first got married. But then we moved here from Arizona and after Dom was born he started getting angrier at more and more things. Little things would happen and he would just lose it. He would hit me or kick me, sometimes he would strangle me." The tears in her eyes threaten to overcome her and she stops for a moment. "Afterwards it was like the anger would drain out of him and he was a completely different person. And he felt awful about what happened. So he'd take me to the ER to make sure I was okay."

"Did… Did you ever tell anyone? Did you contact a shelter or try to leave?" I ask, trying not to make this more painful than it was.

She shakes her head. "I wanted to sometimes, but all of my family lives in Phoenix and I don't have a lot of friends."

"So no one knew what was happening?" Morgan confirms.

Luciana pushes her hair back from her face. "No. No one knew but me, him, and the ER staff." she pauses for a moment and her face crumbles. "And Dom. I tried to make sure that he never saw anything but you can't hide it." As she begins to cry harder I move to sit next to her on the couch and rub her back.

"Hey. You're going to be okay. Stephen can't hurt you anymore. He can't hurt you, or Dom, or your little one on the way. You can get past this. You can move back to Arizona if you want. But the important thing is that you're strong. You can do this."

After a few minutes, she is able to pull herself back together and show us out of the apartment. Back in the SUV, Morgan and I sit in a heavy silence. "Do you think she'll be okay?" I whisper.

"Hopefully. I mean like you said, with Stephen out of the question she can start over."

I nod. "This means we have to rule out the loose list of suspects though. No law enforcement was ever contacted, no shelters, no counseling. She was all alone."

"Wait." he says. "What was it she said, no one knew except for her, Stephen…"

"And the ER staff." I finish. "Oh my god, and that's how we knew that the victims were domestic abusers to begin with, Garcia found the ER visits. Our unsub has to be someone in the medical field."

As we drive towards the station we call Hotch and tell him our theory and he agrees. He patches in Garcia and tells her the new criteria to run. As we wait, JJ's voice comes across the line.

"But if a doctor or a nurse had suspected domestic abuse wouldn't they have been bound by law to report it to the police?"

"Not necessarily," replies Reid. "They encourage domestic abuse victims to contact the proper authorities but unless there is a knife or gun wound they are not bound by law. Several times legislation has been proposed to force them to report it but was feared that it would prevent injured women from seeking medical treatment." Spencer says.

"Okay okay! I have cross checked all of the ER visits from all four victims' partners and there are seven staff that occurred across the board. Two doctors, three nurses, an admissions attendant, and an orderly. Now what?"

"How many are female?" asks JJ.

"Mmm four. One doctor, two nurses, and the admissions attendant. And before you ask, the admissions attendant is 23, so she is not the right age but the nurses are 31 and 44, and the doctor is 42."

"Okay now go into their back grounds. Something had to have happened a few weeks ago to make one of these women do this." Morgan takes a sharp turn as we hurry to rejoin the team.

"Okay, searching, searching… Oh no."

"What is it, baby girl?"

"The second nurse, Ramona Jacobs. Three weeks ago her daughter, Eliza was stabbed to death by her live in boyfriend Deacon. Reports said that Ramona had tried to convince Eliza to leave him but she had refused."

"That's one hell of a trigger." I say as Morgan and I share a look.

"Where is she now, Garcia?"

"She is currently at work at Faith Prosperity Hospital."

"Morgan, Emily, reroute, we will meet you at the hospital, we've got to stop this now.

He throws on the lights and I grab on to the door handle as we make an abrupt turn towards the hospital.

Five hours later, and the jet is touching down in Quantico. Once the rest of the team had joined us, we had strapped on our vests and made our way into the hospital. It was thankfully not very busy which had minimized the amount of civilians in the emergency room. We had hoped to take her quietly, but she had realized what we were doing and had taken a young woman hostage. It had been a very tense couple of minutes but we had finally persuaded her to put down the gun, that she had only wanted to protect those women, the way she had wanted to protect Eliza. She was taken into custody and we had packed up our things and loaded onto the jet. And not a moment too soon. I missed my wife. I wanted to hold her in my arms and breaths her in. I wanted rub her tummy and take comfort in the fact that my family was safe.

I gather my things and hurry to my desk. I remove the necessary files from my bag and grab my keys.

"Tell JJ hello for me." Morgan says as he also gathers his things. "And that I expect to see her butt back at work tomorrow."

I shoot him a smile. "Goodnight Derek." I have to fight the urge not to break the speed limit on the way home. I can't help it. It's been a stressful couple of days.

As I pull up to the curb I can see that JJ left the kitchen light on for me. The rest of the house is dark. When I push open the heavy wooden door I am met with darkness and silence. I gently set my stuff down and lock the door behind me. I make my way up the stairs.

The moonlight pouring through the window illuminates the bedroom and my chest almost hurts with how beautiful JJ looks. Her blonde hair is spread across the pillow, her beautiful pink lips moving slightly as she mumbles to herself in sleep. As quietly as I can, I take off my work clothes and pull on my favorite old Yale tee shirt. I ease into bed beside her and wrap her in my arms, letting my hand rub her belly. _This is why you do it._ I remind myself. _This is home._

 **(Review!)**


	8. Chapter 8

**(Hello all! Here is chapter 8. This chapter is very dialogue heavy. I hope you enjoy, and I would love to hear how you are enjoying the story so far. Thanks! Jordon.)**

 _"Explain! Tell a man to explain how he dropped into hell! Explain my preference! I never had a preference for her, any more than I have a preference for breathing. No other woman exists by the side of her. I would rather touch her hand if it were dead, than I would touch any other woman's living." George Eliot_

JJ

The alarm begins to beep and I try to reach and turn it off. Instead, I find myself wrapped in familiar, pale arms. I look over my shoulder to see my beautiful wife on the pillow next to mine. My heart swells and the baby begins to wriggle inside of me. _Emily is home._

I pull further from her and turn off the alarm before turning to face her. I brush a strand of hair from her face and softly press a kiss to her lips. Slowly she blinks awake.

"Mmm. Good morning, beautiful." She smiles and strokes my cheek.

"Good morning. I tried to stay up until you got home, but I had to go to bed."

"No problem. Its important you get enough rest." She kisses the bridge of my nose. "I've missed you so much."

"God I've missed you too." The baby gives a hard kick, that due to our position, Emily feels as well. She laughs, "Oh don't worry, I didn't forget about you little one." She rubs my stomach. "They're so strong."

"I know. Sometimes it feels like they're literally going to kick through my skin!'

She moves her hand so that it's caressing my lower back. "How are you feeling? No contractions, no pain?"

I gently shake my head. "Nope. Little one is still doing okay. I'm tired, but I think that's to be expected."

"And you went to work yesterday and everything was fine?"

I feel something akin to guilt at work in my chest. "No I uh… I stayed home again."

She furrows her eyebrows at me. "But I heard you on the phone in Garcia's office."

"She had patched me in, it was a conference call."

She regards me in silence for a few moments. "But you're going in today?"

I can feel myself begin to gnaw on my bottom lip as I consider the act of leaving out townhouse and making the journey all the way to the BAU.

"JJ."

"I'm just… I'm really tired. And I think I should stay home another day."

"Jayje you haven't left the house in a week. This is getting out of hand."

"I don't understand why it's such a big deal-"

"No I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Why are you so afraid of going in to work?"

"I…" I try to organize my thoughts in a way that will allow me to give a satisfactory answer.

"What is it?" she sighs in exasperation.

"Don't talk down to me." I snap.

She sighs again and tries again in a gentler voice. "JJ I don't want to fight again. Just talk to me. Let me in to that beautiful blonde head of yours."

I close my eyes and turn on to my back, rubbing my belly. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Well start small. What do you think is going to happen at work?"

"It's not work. It's just… outside. Everything outside."

"Outside like nature or…"

"No! Just… Places that aren't here. Aren't home."

"Okay well what are you afraid is going to happen?"

"I don't know. What… What if someone decides to attack the Bureau? And there's a bomb or a shooter?"

"Then we would take care of it. You know I would never let anything happen to you."

I ignore her words. "Or what if on the way there we were in a car accident?"

"Is that really how you feel about my driving?" I know she's trying to use humor to lighten the mood, but it doesn't make me feel better.

"Or what if when we're out at the park someone decides to launch an Anthrax attack? Or I'm at the grocery store, picking stuff up for dinner and some guy comes in because he's angry at women and starts shooting at random?"

"JJ-"

"Don't tell me it doesn't happen! We both know it does! You're not doing anything wrong, living a completely low risk lifestyle and then something happens and suddenly the ground is shaking and 18th street is covered in smoke and you're trapped and you can't get home and-" Throughout this, my breath has been speeding up and the tears that ave been collecting in my eyes begin to fall in earnest, cutting off my horrified, rambling words. Emily pulls me closer and smooths my hair.

"So this is about what happened at Blue Collar? Jayje baby, why didn't you tell me?"

I shake my head, my chest having with sobs. "No it's not… it isn't… The world is just so awful, Em! And I'm so scared that something s going to happen to the baby!"

"Hey… Hey look at me. As long as I am alive and kicking on this earth, I am not going to let anything happen to the baby. Or to you. You know that don't you?"

"Well yes-"

"And all of the wonderful people we work with. Hotch, and Derek, and Spence, and Rossi, and Garcia. They love us so much and they view our baby as an extension of their own families. This baby is already so loved and protected and they won't even be born for another seven weeks!" She caresses my cheek. "And you love this baby so much. Do you think you would be feeling this way if you didn't? This is just the maternal instinct coming out in you, loud and clear. Because you, Jennifer Jareau, are passionate and smart and driven, and you are going to be an amazing mother. I know it."

I lean into her hand and she continues. "Anyways, you can't stay home today." I squeeze my eyes shut. "We have an appointment at the birthing clinic at 2:30, remember? Now that we're in the home stretch she wants us to come in for weekly appointments."

I shake my head, refusing to open my eyes. "I can't… I can't… I won't."

"Baby you don't have a choice. The midwife needs to check the baby and make sure everything is going okay."

"No. I need to stay home."

"No. You have to go to the midwife."

"Can… Could she come here? Instead of me going into the clinic? Midwives do home visits. Maybe Karen could come to me?"

"JJ, no."

"Why not?" I open my eyes and turn my head to look at her. "Why can't she do a home visit?"

She sighs, running a hand through her hair. "Because you can't stay here in the house-"

"Why not?!" I ask more forcefully. "Give me a real reason, Em. Why can't Karen do a home visit? Why can't I stay home until I feel like the world is a little more manageable? Why?"

"Because! Because it's not healthy to stay home! You need to go to work and be around people and have a normal, healthy life!"

"What? So when I'm home on maternity leave I won't be living a normal, healthy life?"

She takes a deep breath. "No baby, that's not what I said. And even when you are home on maternity leave you won't be just sequestered away at home, you'll be taking the baby to doctor appointments, and we'll be going to the park and to the grocery store."

"I just…" I let out a slow breath as tears once again gather in my eyes. "I cannot face going out right now. I… want- no I need to feel safe. I need to feel as if I have some control over my life, and the wellness of our baby, and I need you to support that. Okay? Because you are my wife. And I need to know that you're by my side, no matter what. Especially while I am carrying our child. I need to know that you… That you can love me through this. Okay?"

Emily's mouth is on mine. She kisses me passionately before pulling back. "Jennifer I love you more than I can say." Her voice cracks and I open my eyes to see that she also has tears streaming down her face. "There is nothing you could possibly do that could change the way I feel about you, about our family. If… If you can't then that's okay. We… Will work through this. We'll be okay."

I wipe the tears from her face and she does the same to me, letting out a watery chuckle. "Thank you."

"I'll talk to Hotch when I get to work, and see what can be worked out."

"No I'll call him. And I'll call Karen as well, see if a home visit is a possibility."

She nods and gives me another kiss.

"We will be okay. I promise."


	9. Chapter 9

**(Good morning! Here is chapter 9. There is some discussion of pregnancy and birth in this chapter. It may not be entirely medically accurate. I am not a homebirth and I've never been pregnant, so I did my best! Any who, I hope you enjoy. Please review!)**

 _"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear." Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr._

Emily

I walk into work with a thermos of coffee, my go bag pulled high on my shoulder, and no JJ. As I sit down at my desk and log into my computer, I can feel Derek looking at me. I ignore him, sifting through paperwork and files.

"I don't know if you noticed, but you're missing someone."

I sigh and meet his eyes. "She's not coming in."

"Another sick day? Shouldn't she be going to the doctor?"

I brush my bangs away from my face. "She… JJ won't be coming in. For a while."

"Is everything okay?" Reid asks from behind me. I swivel slightly in my chair so that his concerned face comes into view.

"Uh yeah, it's just… She's decided to start her maternity leave earlier than we were expecting. She'll be available to do some consulting and press work from home, but she won't be coming into the office."

"For how long?" Reid asks.

"I don't know. Sometime after the baby is born, I guess."

"Wait you said 'she decided'… You don't agree with her decision." Morgan reasons.

"I want what's best for JJ and the baby, and she thinks that this is it. So that's all there is to it."

"Have you tried talking her out of it? She's going to go crazy being at home."

I scoff at my partner's suggestion. "Have you met my wife? Of course I tried, but she's the most stubborn woman I've ever met. But it'll be fine guys. I mean, she probably shouldn't be close to the action at this point anyways, she's due in seven weeks. Maybe this will be good, a nice relaxing calm before the storm."

"Have you told Hotch?" Reid twirls a pen between his long fingers.

I glance up to the walkway just in time to see our boss come out of his office. He makes eye contact with me and beckons me over with his hand.

"Something tells me he knows." I answer as I leave my desk.

Once inside Hotch's office I close the door and take a seat.

"I take it JJ called you," I say.

"Yes. And while a little bit of warning would have been preferred, we'll of course grant the early leave. She didn't go into much detail on the phone, is everything alright?"

I can't help but laugh a bit. "That would seem to be the question of the hour." I shift in my chair as I cross my legs. "Physically, yes. All of the midwife's visits have confirmed that the baby is healthy and growing. But mentally… She's scared, Hotch."

He nods, his solemn eyes taking in my every move. "That's to be expected. Having a baby is a huge step."

I nod and continue, "But see that's not it. It's not that Jayje is scared of delivery, or that we'll be good parents, or how we'll handle the baby on top of our jobs. Lord knows I am, enough for the both of us. She has always had complete faith in us, that this was the right decision. It took months to get me onboard with IVF, and then after the miscarriage, I had seriously considered not trying again. It seemed like a sign from the universe that I was lucky enough to find my soulmate and I should be happy and leave it at that. But JJ insisted. She's wanted kids since she was a little girl."

"So what's the matter?" I hesitate, not wanting to break JJ's trust. "Emily, you know that anything you say is completely confidential and will not leave this office."

I nod. "She was at the White Collar office the afternoon of the 18th street explosion and now she's terrified to leave the house. She thinks that something bad is going to happen. Which, doesn't make sense, what with the carnage we see everyday."

"But that's different. It's one thing to be a member of the FBI, being brought in to examine a case and put away a criminal. Finding yourself in a scary situation as a civilian is completely different. Not to mention, with the pregnancy, she's experiencing all kinds of crazy hormones that are telling her to keep the baby safe at all costs."

"You don't think she's overreacting, then?"

He rests his chin in his hand. "No, she's just trying to protect her baby. Is it a little extreme to do that by barricading herself in your home? Yes. But she's just trying to make sense of an unpredictable world and preserve a fragile sense of security."

"I can see that, I guess. But I can also see that she's a highly social person who is going to go bananas cooped up at home."

Hotch just grins. "She'll be fine. You just have to wait this out And of course, as I told her, she's always going to have a job with the BAU, whether she comes back on Monday, in six months, or in eighteen years."

"Thanks Hotch." I smile and we sit in silence for a couple moments. "So it's natural for me also to be scared out of my mind?"

He chuckles. "Oh, of course. When Haley was pregnant with Jack I was in a constant state of terror. It drove her insane. When she finally went into labor, I ended up fainting in the delivery room. I woke up a few moments later to her yelling about how I was an FBI agent and I needed to pull myself together. Then a bit later, we had our little boy, and all the fears were replaced with pure awe and joy. Well, there was still some fear, but it was buried beneath all the good."

I let out a shaky laugh. "That's what I'm hoping." I stand to leave his office. "Oh and also, JJ's trying to get her midwife appointment switched around so I may need to-"

He waves his hand. "Just because JJ is at home doesn't mean she's not keeping everything running smoothly. The new appointment is at 4:30, she aready cleared it with me. You're free to leave early to make it."

I give him a wide smile. "That's my wife. What would I do without her?"

"More importantly, what are WE going to do without her?" He jokes. "Oh and Emily?"

"Yeah Hotch."

"If you could not mention the fainting in the delivery room to Morgan… I'd really appreciate it."

I simply smile and shut the door behind me.

I pull into the drive way at 4:25. Walking through the front door, I welcome the warmth and the smell of Italian food wafting from the kitchen.

"Jayje? I'm home!" I call as I sit my bag down by the front door and set my keys on the table. I find her sitting on the couch, reading a book. I lean over and kiss the top of her head. "Something smells delicious."

"Hey! Well, I can't really take that much credit, its a frozen lasgana. But I will say, I feel that I did a pretty spectacular job of preheating the oven."

"Such talent! Such finnesse!" I call over my shoulder as I go to lock my gun in the safe. I plop next to her on the couch and wrap my arms around her.

"Did you have a good day?" she asks.

"I did. Everyone asked about you. They already miss you."

"Aw. Well I miss them too. Although it's not like I won't see them."

"Very true. When I told Garcia, she said to have the guest room prepped, locked and loaded because she's staying overnight the next time I get called out on a case."

"Sounds like a plan, bring it on."

The doorbell rings and I rise from the couch to go answer it. "Oh and Hotch told me a very entertaining story about him fainting in the delivery room, remind me to tell you later."

I pull open the wooden door and let Karen in out of the cold. "Hello, hello!" She cheerfully calls out. She is a tall, warm woman, with skin the color of milk chocolate. Her long braids are held back in a clip that matches her tortoiseshell eyeglasses. Everything about her puts me at ease, making me feel like nothing could possibly go wrong.

"Emily darling, so glad you could make it!" She kisses me on the cheek then bustles past into the living room. "Oh what a beautiful home! And is that spaghetti I smell? You two are too precious."

"Lasagna, but yes." JJ stands and accepts a hug from the midwife. "Karen thank you so much for agreeing to do my appointment here, I really appreciate it."

"Oh think nothing of it! Truth be told, I like home visits more anyways. When Mom is comfy and cozy, so is baby. Now let's get to it shall we?" With that she gets JJ situated on the couch, shirt pulled up to reveal her beautiful round stomach. She performs several tests, measuring the span of her bump, administering a physical exam, and listening with special stethoscope.

"Have you experienced bleeding or spotting of any kind?"

JJ shakes her head. "No, nothing."

"And no fever?"

"No… Is everything okay?" she asks.

Karen nods but her face is very focused. "Sure honey, I'm mainly asking because well, I'm a midwife, and my job is to ask the same tired questions over and over. But also… Tell me, how does breathing feel now, as opposed to a few weeks ago?"

JJ glances at me. "Uh, better actually. For the past month or so it's been difficult to get a good deep breath but now it feels like I have room in my chest again."

Karen nods. "Hmm. Alright. So what you're describing to me sounds like lightening. It's when the baby drops further into the birth canal to prepare for birth. Now, this is our first baby, so it's typical for this to occur one to four weeks prior to birth."

"But we're not due for another seven." I fight to keep my voice even and free of panic.

"Yes I know. Sometimes it's no big deal and on its own it doesn't necessarily mean one thing or another, but you are also just the tiniest bit effaced. Not enough to worry right now, but it's definitely something we need to keep an eye on."

JJ and I make eye contact and I squeeze her hand. "Now there's no need to look so solemn. Like I said, chances are we're still a good seven weeks out from this beautiful blessing. I'm just saying that it's something to keep in mind. Now, I'm assuming that since you're wanting to switch to home visits you are also wanting to give birth at home as well?" JJ nods. "Okay excellent! I brought all of the literature you will need to read as well as a list of things you will need to stock up on. I'll bring most of the big things, you really just need to have absorbent pads, a waterproof mattress pad, towels that you won't mind throwing out, stuff like that." She hands me a folder and I begin to slowly begin to leaf through the material.

"That being said, I do want to warn you that my cut off date for home births is 37 weeks. If you go into labor before then we will need to transfer to the birthing center or a hospital."

"Why?"

"It's just a precaution. A lot of the time babies born before 37 weeks need a little help breathing properly, and I just feel more comfortable if we proceed in a medical setting. However, I will still be there right beside you, the whole way. And again, chances are this baby's not making a grand appearance for another seven weeks!"

We both nod and smile, letting her warm voice assuage our fears.

"Now I better get on out of here, let you enjoy that yummy lasagna." I stand and walk her out. I come back to find JJ sitting on the couch, chewing on her lip.

"Hey now, don't start that. You heard what she said. Chances are, everything will be fine. All of that is just a back up plan."

"But what if the baby is born before 37 weeks? She said they could have trouble breathing."

I nod. That part had also rattled around my brain, setting of alarm bells. "Then we'll get through it. Because we can get through anything." The timer goes off and I stand, pulling her to her feet. "Now c'mon, let's gorge ourselves on this lasagna and bask in your preheating prowess." She giggles and presses a kiss onto my cheekbone as we walk into the kitchen.


	10. Chapter 10

**(Hello lovelies! Here is Chapter 10. I have just one week of classes until Christmas break and then I can update all the time! SO yay. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter. There is a bit of suggestive dialogue, as well as discussion of sexual identity. Review!)**

 _"The only queer people are those who don't love anybody." Rita Mae Brown_

JJ

Several days pass. I'm in the baby's room, sorting through all of the clothes we've amassed in preparation for their arrival. We received lots of wonderful things at the baby shower my mother threw me a month ago, on top of the things we hadn't been able to resist buying ourselves. Most of it was gender neutral in greens and yellows, but we had also gotten several little girl onesies hand me down from my cousin Jessica. I had gratefully accepted them, but if I was being honest I didn't think we would be using them. I hadn't told anyone, but I couldn't shake the feeling that the baby was a boy. I had nothing to support this of course, it was just an inkling I couldn't quite discredit.

Just as I finish organizing the socks and bibs in the top drawer, my phone begins to vibrate. Reaching for it, I see Emily's picture on my screen.

It's one of my favorite pictures of us. It's from the engagement photos that we had taken at the Tidal Basin in DC. The cherry blossom trees were in full bloom and it was absolutely beautiful. In the photo Emily is facing the camera and I'm kissing her cheek. I had just whispered something naughty in her ear so the photographer had captured her mid laugh. Her mouth is thrown wide open and her eyes are squeezed shut. Every time I see it, my heart feels like it will burst with happiness.

I press accept and bring the phone to my ear. "Hey baby."

She sighs. "Hey Jayje, we just got a case in Iowa."

The baby kicks me hard in the ribs. "What happened?"

"Two families have been murdered in their homes. We're thinking a family annihilator, but we won't know until we get on the scene."

"Oh God. Are you about to board the jet?"

"Already boarded. We should be flying in about ten minutes. This obviously means I won't be coming home tonight. Garcia wanted me to let you know that she will be at our home within a couple of hours to stay with you while I'm gone."

I can't help but laugh. "You people remember that I am also an FBI agent, right? I don't need a babysitter."

"Well, while I do not doubt that you are completely capable of kicking ass at 33 and a half weeks pregnant, it will make me feel a little better knowing that Pen is with you while I'm in the Midwest."

"Me too." I smile as I remember what I had been whispering into Emily's ear when our engagement picture was taken and mischievousness overtakes me. "Of course, I guess this means I'll be all alone in our bed tonight. With no one to hold me… Or kiss me… Or slide her hand between my legs and-"

"JJ, I'm on the plane!" I know her well enough to know that she's trying not to blush as she whispers into the phone.

"What? I was just thinking about how much I'm going to miss you while you're gone." I reply, voice dripping with mock innocence.

"Well, I'm certainly going to miss you. More than I can say, at the moment. In present company."

"I guess the only good thing about you leaving is that when you get home we can celebrate by putting on some jazz and we can revisit that thing we tried on the Fourth of July where-"

"You are going to be the death of me, woman. I have to go now, before I spontaneously burst into flames." She says quietly into the phone.

I laugh at the huskiness of her voice. "Bye baby, be safe."

"I will. And you behave."

"What if I don't?"

"Goodbye, JJ!" I laugh, hanging up the phone. It certainly would be a lonely few days while she was gone.

Later that evening, the doorbell rings and I hurry to answer it. As I let Pen in she is already talking a mile a minute.

"Okay so I don't know if you're hungry but I definitely am so I stopped on the way here and picked up Chinese food. Also I couldn't remember if you like beef and broccoli with fried rice and Emily likes chicken lo mein, or if it was the other way around, so I got both! And then I got myself pork dumplings, which you are more than welcome to help yourself to."

"Oh you didn't have to go to so much trouble." I tell her as she unloads the food onto the table.

"It was no trouble! I was hungry and I figured that if I was hungry just being one person, then you must be twice as hungry."

"Well I am pretty famished." I admit.

"See! And it really wasn't a problem." She takes a step back to admire her work. "Alright. Dig in!" I grab us a couple of paper plates from the kitchen and begin to load mine down with noodles. Once she makes sure that my plate has enough food for not one but two fully grown humans, we make our way to the living room.

"So what do you want to do?" I ask.

"I don't care! I mean I know I have commandeered it, but it's still your house. Do you wanna watch a movie? Or we could play a board game, not to brag but I am amazing at Clue. I beat Derek at it all the time, which is funny y'know since he's a profiler and he should totally kick my tush, but there you go."

"I don't think we even own any board games," I say with a laugh.

"What? Oh young JJ, we will rectify that another day. A house is not a home unless it contains Jenga and Monopoly."

"We could see what's on the DVR, if you want." I volunteer. She hands over the remote and I begin to flip through the recordings. "Alright, so we have a soccer match from earlier in the week-"

"Gross. People doing sports. Next."

"A documentary on Aileen Wurnos, the Texas serial killer-"

"As if you two don't see enough of that sadness at work?"

"Hey it was a landmark case! And we have to stay up to date on crazy killers of note."

"Did you watch that movie they made about her? With Charlize Theron?"

"You mean the one where she hooks up with Christina Ricci? Do I need remind you that I am in fact married to another woman? Of course I've seen Monster."

Penelope sits her noodles down on the coffee table. "Hey Jayje can I ask you a personal question?"

"As if you have ever refrained from asking personal questions?"

She pokes me in the side with the end of her chopstick. "No, like a super personal question."

I nod, bringing my own chopsticks to my mouth. "Anything."

"Have… Were you always attracted to women?"

I thoughtfully chew my lo mein, trying to find the correct words. "Well… yes and no. I mean, I came out of the womb liking boys. I loved boys. My… appreciation for women came later. I've always had deep female friendships. And on occasion romantic feelings would grow out of those bonds."

"Have you dated a lot of women?"

I shake my head, moving my noodles around my plate. "I grew up in a little town in Pennsylvania. I knew that girls who liked girls weren't exactly well received, so I chose to keep those feelings quiet and locked away."

She grabs my free hand. "Oh honey that's so sad."

I give her a small smile. "It could have been worse. It wasn't like I was lying. I dated boys and I enjoyed it. I just didn't tell anyone about the crush I developed on an upperclassman in my biology class."

"Once I got to college, things were a bit different. It was in a much bigger city and people were more accepting. Plus it was college, that's when you're supposed to be wild and experiment, right? I would go out to frat parties and get super drunk then make out with other girls to the boys' ecstatic cheers. Sure, she was more than likely very straight, and was doing it more for the attention, but it was enough for a while. Then I got a boyfriend. We were together for almost a year." I pause for a moment, thinking back. "Y'know I can't even remember why we broke up, I think he might have transferred to a different school. But anyways, that's when I met Hanna."

Her eyebrows shoot up beneath her bangs. "Hanna? Who is Hanna?"

I laugh at the breathless quality of her voice, already completely enthralled in the story. "Hanna was a Junior. We met in a British Romantic Literature course. From the very first time I saw her, I was overwhelmed by how pretty she was. Tall, with big round eyes set above cheekbones that could cut glass. Short curly hair that she kept out of her face with sparkly headbands. And miles and miles of smooth, dark skin."

"Ooh, she sounds totally hot. Like a girl version of Derek."

I laugh. "Not far off actually. But what really drew me in was her mind. The way she could elaborate on Mary Shelley or Wordsworth, when she spoke her painted pictures. We would go to the local coffee shop and talk for hours."

"What happened? Why did you split up?"

I sigh, rubbing my hand across the wide expanse of my belly. "Well see that's the thing. We were really close and I cared deeply for her. But she wanted us to be official and to meet my family. And I said no."

Penelope shakes her head slightly. "What? Why?"

"I was scared. I didn't want to expose that part of my life to my family. I had come to terms with the fact with the fact that I liked men and women but I honestly didn't know how my family would react. So I told her I couldn't do that. And while she understood that it was a step I just wasn't ready for, she wasn't interested in going back into the closet. So we went our separate ways."

"Oh honey."

"No really, it's fine Pen. It's all for the best. After college, I dated around, and eventually I broached the subject to my parents. And while they weren't thrilled, they also came to terms with it. And now I have Emily, and the baby, and everything worked out exactly the way it was meant to. And that's all I can ask for."

Pen smiles and squeezes my hand. "It really did. It's like a modern fairy tales. But with two princesses. Which is honestly way better because double the dresses and stuff." She glances at the clock on the wall. "Oh my goodness! It's so late! You need to get to bed!"

"Pen it's only 10:15, I'm fi-"

"No no no! I promised your lovely wife that I would make sure you got rest and food and were perfectly taken care of!"

"But it's only-"

"Not another word! Upstairs, it is time for us to retire!" I let her pull me upstairs to change into pajamas. She's right of course. It took a little while to find it, but between my wonderful wife and my fantastic friends, my life really did seem to be something of a fairy tale.

 **(Let me know what you thought!)**


	11. Chapter 11

**(Hello lovelies! Here is Chapter 11! The first part of the chapter is discussing the case they're working on, and it gets quite graphic. If this is triggering to you, please skip down to the line and treat yourself to the JJ/Emily fluff. I hope you enjoy, and I hope everyone is having a warm and happy holiday season. Please review and tell me what you think!**

 _"And one by one the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us." Pablo Neruda_

Emily

Three days have passed, and I feel like beating my head against the wall. This particular unsub is extremely clever, always two steps ahead of us. Another family had been murdered last night. Morgan and I picked our way through the living room, doing our best not to disturb the crime scene.

The father, Kent Gabriel, was sprawled across the rug. His hands were outreached, stretching to fight off the intruder even in his moment of death. There is a single bullet hole on the back of his head, congealed blood puddling around the body.

"So what do we know?" I ask my partner.

"Not much, unfortunately. Mr. Gabriel was a basketball coach and a teacher at the local high school. His wife, Renee, worked as the day manager at a rental car place. Like the previous families, they had two sons: Peyton, eight, and Easton, five. We think that, following the pattern of the previous murders, Kent was killed first, while the rest of the family was made to watch. Then he relocated the remainder of the family upstairs to the kids' bathroom."

I follow him up the stairs, noting the family pictures on the walls that have been disturbed. We step into the small, tiled room. "Once in here someone, we suspect Mrs. Gabriel acting under duress, repeatedly submerged both boys' heads underwater. Then he moved the three of them into the kids' room." I begin to move after him but find that I can't tear my eyes away from the bathtub, still filled with cold, gray water. Her pink and red loofa looks inappropriate hanging from the water spout. A bottle of Spiderman bubble bath had been knocked into the water at some point during the struggle, and it remained there, floating face down. This had been a happy home, a safe place. Renee Gabriel had probably bathed her boys in that tub thousands of times. But someone had turned this room into the vestibule of a nightmare.

"Prentiss, you alright?" I glance over mys shoulder to see Derek peering at me from the doorway.

"This… I don't know. It's just a lot."

He nods. "I know. Do you need to step outside?"

I take a deep breath, pressing the back of my hand to my forehead in an effort to steady myself. "No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Cause we both know the next room is only worse." His voice is gentle.

"I'm sure. I'm alright." He nods and this time I do follow him out of the bathroom and down the hall. Peyton Gabriel is laid out on his bed, arms crossed over his chest. You could almost think he's sleeping, if it wasn't for the angry bullet hole in his forehead. His younger brother mirrors the same position on the bed under the window. Mrs Gabriel is lying in the middle of the floor, amidst various toys and books. Her clothes are pushed up and her legs are arranged at odd angles. Hand shaped bruises are already forming on her neck.

"Raped and strangled. Just like the two other mothers." I state, forcing my voice to remain level.

Derek nods. "One thing's for certain. This son of a bitch had got a lot of anger, and it's all being directed towards the mother."

"Probably his own, or maybe the mother of this children. She's the focus the entire time."

"So he sneaks in, catches them off the guard, gathers them all in the living room. He shoots the father, the biggest threat, to get more control. He's completely unimportant. Disposable even."

"Did you notice the pictures on the staircase?" I ask.

"Yeah. Do you think it was just something that happened in the chaos of forcing Mrs. Gabriel and the children upstairs or do you think it was deliberate?"

"Could be either, I'd have to examine them more thoroughly in order to guess. If it's on purpose it could speak to a rage about families presenting a certain image to the world. Or covering up indiscretions."

He takes a step toward where Easton lies on the bed. "I don't understand the drowning though. If his mother is the target of his rage, is the unsub reenacting abuse he suffered at her hands?"

I can't help the deep sigh that comes. "Very possibly. People can be very creative when it comes to ways to 'discipline' a child. Sometimes it can be linked to religious reasons, trying to cleans the child of sins. Or it can be just out of cruelty. When I was brand new to the Bureau, just a few years out of Yale, I traveled with the agent I was shadowing to Racine, Wisconsin. A woman had been caring for her boyfriend's child from a previous relationship when she and the girl's mother got in a fight. She retaliated by dunking the little girl in scalding hot water. She suffered second degree burns to her feet and first degree burns to her legs." I let out another deep breath, remembering her terrified cries like it was yesterday. "She ended up dying due to infection."

"How old was she?"

"Just two."

Morgan rests a hand on my shoulder. "Let's head back to the station, okay? See if they have any news."

I nod then shake my hair away from my face. "Yeah. Sure, sounds like a plan."

* * *

That night, safe in my hotel room, I call JJ. I know that it's late there, and that I'll probably wake her up, but I need to hear her voice. I need to know that she's okay. She doesn't pick up until the fourth ring."

"Jareau." Just hearing her voice, thick with sleep and low with annoyance at being woken up, brings a smile to my face.

"Hey baby." I say quietly.

"Em!" I can hear her struggling to sit up, then turn on the lamp beside the bed. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, everything is fine, I just needed to hear your voice. I'm sorry for waking you up."

"No don't-" she interrupts herself with a huge yawn. "Don't be. I'm always happy to talk to you, no matter the time of day. And I should probably get used to being woken up at ungodly hours of the night, I guess."

"What time is it?"

"Ten till three."

I groan. "I'm so sorry I shouldn't have called."

"It's fine, I mean it. How's the case going?" I pause for a moment, searching for the right words. "You don't have to censor it, Em. I can handle it."

"It's bad, Jayje. The son of a bitch is sadistic and we really don't have any leads. Another family was killed last night."

"Oh God. Kids?"

"Yeah. Two little boys."

I can hear her sigh. "I'm sorry, Em. That's rough. Are you holding up?"

"Yeah I'll get through. I just don't like feeling so helpless, y'know? And I miss you. I'm sorry that I missed the appointment with Karen today. How did it go?"

"Good! Good. Six weeks out. She said I'm a little more effaced than last week, but not enough to be concerned. Everything is okay."

"Oh good. Oh baby, I'm so glad to hear that. I hate to be so far away, especially when we're coming into the last few weeks."

"Em, we're still a good month and a half away from the baby coming. Don't worry. And I had Pen with me, she was so excited she could barely contain herself. She even tried to bribe Karen into telling her the gender so that she could go shopping."

I chuckle, "Well that sounds like Garcia all right. Did she succeed?"

"Nope, Karen held out. I think she called her a tricky sphinx."

"Good woman." I sit in silence for a few moments, simply treasuring the soft sounds of her breathing. "Do you ever wish we would have found out the gender?"

"Hmm? No. I think it's better this way. It'll make the birth that much more special."

"But it would have made preparing for the baby a lot easier."

"Maybe. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course. Is it that you think the baby's a boy?"

She laughs. "How did you know?"

"Just another con of being married to a profiler. I know you a lot better than you think."

"Oh is that so?"

"It is." I pull the blanket closer to me, wishing I was holding JJ in my arms. "Like for instance, I know that right now you're running your hands through your hair."

"Okay, lucky guess."

I throw back my head with a loud laugh. "Okay, well here's another guess: You're wearing my Yale tee shirt and your… pink Nike shorts."

"What? How in the hell do you know that?"

"Anytime I come home from being away, I always find my Yale shirt on the bathroom floor, where you throw your pajamas before you get in the shower. It smells like me, and it helps you feel less lonely while I'm away. That's why I never pack it in my go bag."

"Well damn… Okay, what about the shorts?"

"That's more of an educated guess. Your normal sleep shorts don't fit right under your belly so you've started wearing your running shorts to bed. Last time I saw you, you were wearing the light blue ones, so I figured it was either the pink or the orange."

"Well good job."

"Thank you." I smile cheekily, even though she can't see me."

"Don't think you can't also be profiled, though."

"Oh, I would love to hear your thoughts."

"Alright. Well… You're wearing socks, because I'm not there for you to put your freezing cold feet on."

"Correct."

"And you're tucked in on the left side of the bed."

"Why would you say that? I sleep on the right side at home."

"You sleep on the right side because I sleep on the left. For the first couple of moths that we shared a bed, I would wake up and you would be on top of me, also on the left side."

"What no I didn't!" I protest.

"Oh you most certainly did. And I offered to sleep on the right side but you insisted that it was fine and you didn't care. So when you're sleeping alone, you revert back to the left side of the mattress."

"Well done." I hear her yawn again. "You need go to sleep, I'm going to let you go."

"No it's fine! I want to keep talking."

But I can hear the exhaustion in her voice. "No baby, get some rest. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. I love you. And it's going to be okay, alright? You're going to catch this guy. And then you'll get to come home."

"I know, I know, I just… I know. It's gonna be okay. I love you too, Jayje. Goodnight."

"Night, Em." I return my phone to the nightstand and try to arrange my pillow into a more comfortable shape. The next day will be here before I know it, and I'm going to need every bit of rest I can get.


	12. Chapter 12

**(Hey everyone! It's been so long since I updated! I apologize. I know where I want to take the story but I was having some problems finding my middle. But never fear, because here is chapter 12! Also, my wonderful friend George has agreed to be my beta for a bit, so that's super exciting. Anywho, I hope you enjoy! Reviews, as always, are much appreciated.)**

" _A life-long blessing for children is to fill them with warm memories of times together. Happy memories become treasures in the heart to pull out on the tough days of adulthood." Charlotte Kasl_

It's Sunday morning and Emily is still not home. I'm in the dining room, sweeping underneath the table and listening to an old Judy Garland album. Her smoky voice finishes the last few notes of _Little Girl Blue_ right as there is a knock on the front door. I drop off the broom and dust pan in the kitchen before going to answer it, pushing the hair out of my face with the back of my hand. I pull open the wooden door to reveal my mother on the doorstep. Her blonde hair, so like my own, is held back from her face with a clip. When I come into view she pushes back her large black sunglasses to reveal her soft green eyes. I unlatch the glass door and push it open.

"Mom! What are you doing here?"

"Hey there sweetheart!" She steps over the threshold and presses a kiss to my cheek. "How are you feeling?"

I firmly shut both doors as she removes her coat and scarf. "I'm feeling good! The maternity rest has been good, nice and peaceful."

"That's good, that's good, we're what, five weeks out?"

"Five weeks, five days. Can I grab you something to eat, something to drink?"

"Some coffee will be wonderful, sweetheart."

I pad into the kitchen and turn on the Keurig. I fill the plastic K cup and slide a mug under the machine.

"Where's Emily?"

"She's on a case out in Iowa."

"Oh, has she been out long?"

I sigh. "Since Tuesday, coming in on a week."

She takes a seat at the table and I place the cup in front of her before taking my own seat. "That's rough, hon. So you're here all alone?"

I smooth the place mat in front of me. "Not always! Penelope's been staying most nights, keeping me company. She actually just left this morning after I convinced her that I would be okay spending a few hours on my own."

"Why don't you stay at her apartment?"

"Well she just has the one bedroom, so it doesn't make sense. Plus, this far along, I like to stay close to home." My stomach feels a little uneasy at the half-truth, but really it wasn't a lie.

"That's fair." We sit in silence for a while as she sips her coffee, taking me in. "Pregnancy becomes you, Jenny."

"Aw Mom," I blush good naturedly.

"No, I mean it. Your hair is fuller, your skin is practically glowing. Although you are a little pale."

"Well it's a little hard to go on my usual runs in the park," I remind her, gesturing to my large stomach.

"I know. Are you excited?"

I run my hands over my bump, smoothing my shirt down. "I really am. Although, part of it still doesn't seem real. I mean wasn't it just yesterday that Em and I found out I was pregnant? Or decide that we wanted to have a family? Or even get married for that matter. The time passes so quickly."

She nods and takes a hold of my hand. "Can I let you in on a secret? That never changes. If anything, it gets worse once the baby's born. One minute you're holding them close to your chest, the next you're waving them down the sidewalk as they head to senior prom. And suddenly, your baby is having her own baby." She squeezes my hand. "I wish your father was here for this."

I give her a small smile. "Me too. I wish we had been given a little more time together after… y'know after I came out to you guys… and before the heart attack."

"I know sweetheart. But he loved you more than anything."

I nod, brushing my hand under my eyes. "I think he would have really liked Emily, though."

She waves her hand dismissively. "Oh of course. It's hard for anyone to not like Emily. And he would have taken one look at how much you love each other and known that it was meant to be. Not to mention, he's always had a weakness for women who are good at cards."

"What?" I laugh.

"Oh yeah! How do you think I caught his attention? I was a Sophomore server at his senior prom. The theme was… 'Casino Casablanca' I don't know something like that, but I was a dealer at the blackjack table. And after cleaning your father out of every last one of his fake chips, he ended up asking me on a date, and well, the rest as they say is history."

"You never told me that story."

She smiles as she stares into the depths of her coffee. "Some stuff becomes so ingrained in your past you don't think it's worth mentioning, I guess." She lifts her eyes to mine. "I'm sorry if we didn't share more of the good memories with you. I guess part of me thought you and Ros wouldn't really care. And I also that I would have more time."

This time the silence is tinged with sadness. We never really talk about Ros. For the longest time it was just to painful, and then… well, like she said. You don't think it worth mentioning.

"You were pretty young when you and Dad got married, right? And when you got pregnant with Ros?"

"Oh yes. Looking back, we probably should have waited, been a little more financially secure. But we were young and in love, and that's how things were done back then. We got married the summer after I graduated high school." She lets out a loud chuckle. "Oh we had no idea what we were getting into! Our first dance was to 'For All We Know,' by the Carpenter, and I tell you Jenny, looking back we couldn't have picked a more fitting song. We moved into a tiny little house out on the highway, and your dad worked at Pop's hardware store. I worked as a front desk receptionist for a while and then I found out I was pregnant with Rosaline."

"At 18?"

"I had just turned 19 a few months prior. Your dad was still 20."

"I… I can't even imagine. To be so young! Em and I are in our thirties, and most of the time I feel terrified and like we are completely unprepared."

She laughs. "That's probably because you are old enough to know having a child is a huge thing. We were so full of confidence that we had everything figured out."

"And did you?"

"Not in the least!" We both laugh. "But we quickly realized that we were pretty clueless. So we learned as we went along. Which let me tell you, came with a pretty steep learning curve. A lot of my memories from that time are of your father and me, standing in our tiny little kitchen, passing the screaming Ros back and forth, often crying ourselves. Looking back, I realize that she probably had colic. But I was so ashamed that I couldn't soothe my own daughter, and too prideful to admit that there were problems, that I didn't tell anyone. We got through it eventually, but it was a trying first six months."

"How did you treat the colic?"

She gives me a rueful smile. "We didn't. Mainly because there's no treatment for colic really, or even a definite cause. Some babies are just prone to screaming. But just when I had reached the end of my rope, when I had basically told your father that I was an awful mother and couldn't do it anymore, it stopped. And suddenly Ros was smiling and happy and I started to get more sleep and things were okay."

"Did I have colic?"

"Oh no! You were an easy baby. Of course, when you were born I was 25, so I was more mature and level headed. But you honestly rarely cried. I would spread out a quilt on the living room floor and put you on it while I was cooking dinner or cleaning the house and you would just stare up at the ceiling. Or, more often, stare up at Rosaline. Oh she was obsessed with you. She would get home from daycare and instantly ask about you. We always joked that you had a second little mother." Her eyes have a sad, far off look. "She loved you so much, Jen. Y'know that, right?"

I nod, suddenly choked up. "I do. And I loved her too." I swallow thickly, getting a handle on myself. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Em and I have been kicking baby names back and forth, and if it's a boy we were thinking Henry, which means 'Ruler of the Home,' which I think will be quite fitting," I joke. "And for a middle name, we were considering Michael, after Dad."

She smiles, "I think that's lovely."

I take a deep breath. "For a girl, we really like Charlotte, which means free, and the middle name Rosaline."

Her eyes swim with unshed tears. "I love it. Beautiful names."

We sit in a comfortable camaraderie for a minutes. She breaks the silence. "Well, since I drove all the way here, we should do something! Have you eaten? We could go out and get some lunch!"

I force my face to stay neutral. "I'm actually not that hungry, but if you are I can whip something up! I think we have some spaghetti noodles, does that sound good?"

"Oh don't worry about it, Jenny. I'll just grab something small on the way. What about going out for a mani-pedi? I can only imagine how swollen your ankles feel right now!" She's right of course. And a pedicure sounds heavenly. But that requires leaving this haven.

"Oh don't worry about me, Mom. Really I'm fine. Let's just hang around here."

"No, I insist! Let's go to a nail salon, my treat!"

"I can't!" The answer comes about much more forcefully than I had intended and she starts with surprise.

I try again, softening with a smile. "I mean, I haven't showered, and I don't really feel like getting all bundled up against the cold. Let's just hang out around the house. Penelope left a deck of cards, how about a few hands of gin rummy?"

She slowly nods. "Okay. Sure honey, if that's what you want." I retrieve the deck from the living room. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

I smile, keeping my face calm. "Of course. It's just nice to stay home."


	13. Chapter 13

**(Guess who's back. Back again. Sorry about the delay everyone, I started back to school and I've been venturing into the dating world (gasp) but mainly I've been at a huge writer's block. But great news! I have officially vanquished it! I know where this is going and there will be at least two more chapters, and maybe an epilogue. I hope you enjoy Chapter 13, and as always, please review!)**

 _"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu_

Emily

I lean back into the cushion of my chair. Around me, the team settles into their places on the plane, trying to get comfortable for the ride back to DC. I can acutely feel the exhaustion in every inch of my bones. We had finally caught the unsub earlier this evening. As we had hypothesized, he was white, late thirties, with more misplaced maternal anger than he knew what to do with. We had taken him down before another family was slaughtered, but only just in the nick of time. My shoulder throbs from where I had helped tackle him to the ground of the Pendergrace family home. I absent mindedly massaged it as I let my eyes inch closed.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I instantly smile, knowing that it's JJ. I open my eyes and pull it out. I'm slightly surprised to find a picture of my mother in law on the screen instead. My stomach cramps with uneasiness. I get along with Sandy of course, but we weren't quite in the habit of chatting on the phone, leading me to believe that something was wrong.

"Prentiss," I say, bringing the phone to my ear.

"Hey Emily, how are you?"

"I'm okay, Sandy. We finally wrapped up the case and are on the plane headed home. How are you?"

She lets out a sigh. "I'm okay, I just… Well, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"O…kay," I respond. I leave my chair, instead moving to sit towards the front of the plane where I'll have more privacy. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm not sure. Or at least, I don't think so. Is… Have you noticed anything different about JJ?"

I pause for a moment, trying to figure out the delicate balance of being truthful with my mother-in-law and not revealing anything my wife wants to keep private. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, it's probably nothing. But on Sunday I drove up for a surprise visit."

"Oh how wonderful! I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"No worries, I understand. I ended up staying Sunday night, Monday night, and leaving yesterday morning. I wanted to stay longer of course, especially since you were out on a case, but I had to get back to work and Jenny assured me that your friend Penelope would take care of her."

I laugh. "Oh yes. Garcia might be the only person on this planet more excited about the baby than we are."

"That's what Jenny said. But while I was there, I noticed hat she was acting a little strangely."

I swallow. "How so?"

"I don't really know how to describe it, and honestly I might be making a mountain out of a molehill, but she's become quite the recluse. We didn't leave the house once. We either cooked our own meals or ordered in. Every time I suggested that we go out and do something, she insisted that we do something else at the house. It's just not like her."

I take in a deep breath. "Did you ask her about it?"

"She insisted that everything was fine, that she just didn't feel like going out."

I drum my fingers on the table, trying to figure out what to say. "Well… she has been a bit more homey since coming into the last trimester. I don't know, the midwife has assured us that everything is progressing okay."

"Has she been acting upset? I know it's none of my business, and I hate to pry, but after everything happened with Ros, it just, it's easy for me to get ahead of myself…" she trails off.

Guilt twists low in my stomach. "I don't think Jayje is depressed," I assure her. "In fact, every time I talk to her she seems even more excited about the baby. I think… I think maybe this is just JJ's way of nesting, I guess. I mean, when she was out in the field we were rarely home for more than a few days at a time, and maybe she just needs to stay close to home in order to feel prepared for the birth."

It's like I can hear the weight being lifted from her shoulders. "You're right. I'm just a crazy old woman, overreacting!" she jokes.

"I'm glad you got to spend some time together, though! I know that she misses you."

"It was really nice! I'm glad I came. But I'll let you go, I know that you're probably exhausted."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later, Sandy."

"Bye Emily. Take care of my little girl for me."

I smile. "I'll try my best."

When I pull into the driveway, I can see that the living room light is on. My heart leaps at the thought that JJ might still be awake. I unlock the door, trying to be quiet in case she fell asleep watching TV.

"Emily?" I hear her call from the kitchen.

"Yeah Jayje, it's me." I lock the door and drop my bag. She comes into the doorway and I can't help the stupid grin that comes to my face. "Hey there beautiful." Because she does look beautiful. Breathtaking, even. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and she's not wearing any makeup. My Yale tee shirt is stretched across her ever growing belly. She's holding a washcloth and I swear that there has never been a more exquisite sight in the history of mankind.

"Oh please," she says rolling her eyes. She pulls me into a hug. "I am so glad you are home."

I let out a deep sigh, losing myself in her scent. "Me too, I didn't think the case would ever end."

She rubs her hand gently up and down my spine. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head, burrowing further into her neck. "Nope. I never want to think about it ever again."

"Okay." She rubs my back in silence for a bit longer, then pulls away, leading me to the couch.

"So, your mom visited."

"Yeah, she drove down." Her eyebrows pull together. "Wait how did you know that?"

I smirk at her. "I told you, you can't hide anything from a profiler." She drops her chin, looking at me expectantly. "Do you doubt my skills?" I ask in mock offense, before finally laughing. "She called me."

"Oh. Why?"

"Just to kind of check in, I guess. She's worried."

"Worried? About what?"

"She thinks you won't leave the house."

She suddenly becomes very preoccupied with a spare thread on the couch cushion. "Oh."

"I think I smoothed things over, told her that you're just resting up before the big event."

"Well good."

I pause a moment. "How are you feeling?"

She rubs her tummy. "Good! Still quite a bit of movement from baby, but good. I'm not sleeping as well, but it's okay."

"Well I'm glad, but that's not what I was asking."

She sighs and lifts her eyes to the ceiling, still not meeting my eyes. "I'm fine."

"Did you leave the house at all since I left eight days ago?"

My question is meant with silence.

"JJ."

"No, I didn't. I didn't need to."

"And Garcia didn't find that odd?"

"To her credit, Garcia has a deep appreciation for the art of ordering in."

"Have you… JJ maybe you need to talk to someone about this."

She finally looks at me, letting out a scoff. "Like who, a shrink?"

I shrug, keeping my face and voice gentle. "Maybe. Just so that you can get all of your thoughts sorted out."

"I'm fine, Em. Nothing is wrong."

"You haven't left the house in nearly four weeks."

She rakes her fingers through her hair. "I told you, I just feel more comfortable-"

"-at home, I know." I take a deep breath as I grab her hand. "I know, I've heard you. And I'm just telling you, I think I would be more comfortable if you would talk to someone. Even if it's not about going outside. Maybe just talk to them about the baby, about work, about us, I don't know. I just think it's a good idea." I run my thumb across her knuckles.

"I'll think about it," she whispers.

I lean in and press a kiss onto her lips. "Thank you." She deepens the kiss and places a hand my shoulder and I can't help but flinch at the pressure.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

I roll my eyes. "It's nothing I just slammed my shoulder when taking down the unsub."

She smiles and stands up, offering me her hand. "C'mon Em. Let's go to bed."

 **(Let me know what you thought!)**


	14. Chapter 14

**(Chapter 14! This chapter is a little shorter than normal, it's mainly just fluff but with a bit of smuttiness towards the end so... You're welcome. ;) Anywho, I would love to know how everyone is liking the story progression, so please leave a review!)**

" _No woman was ever nearer to her mate than I am: ever more absolutely bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh." Charlotte Bronte_

JJ

I am so grateful to have Emily home. I wake up with one of her legs thrown over me and her nose buried in my hair. Her soft snores tickle my neck. I gently turn until I'm on my back so that I can see her. I run the pad of my thumb across her cheekbone until she slowly opens her eyes.

"Good morning."

She simply hums and presses a kiss onto my neck.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"More than okay. It's so nice to be back in our bed. It's good to be back by your side."

"You're telling me," I agree.

"What do you want to do today?"

"Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you have to leave for work in like an hour."

"Lucky for us, Hotch decided that eight days in the field warranted two days off, we have a four day weekend."

"What? Well that changes everything! We have so many options." I giggle.

She rubs my tummy. "Well how about we start off with breakfast?"

I meet her lips in a kiss. "Emily Prentiss. In case I have forgotten to tell you lately, I really love you. And marrying you was the best decision I've ever made."

She gasps in fake shock. "Even better than joining the FBI?"

I push up on my elbow so that I'm in a better position to see her face. "If I had the choice of being married to you or being in the FBI, I guess I would have to go into cake decorating or something, because you definitely win."

She grins. "Jayje I hate to ruin this tender moment, but I don't think you could be a baker. Do I need to bring up the Valentine's debacle of two years ago?"

I give her shoulder a playful shove. "That was one time! And we replaced that cake pan, thank you very much."

"Still, you have many talents but the culinary arts aren't among them."

I press kisses onto her neck, slowly making my way towards the collar of her tee shirt. "I think I make up for my lack of cooking talents in other ways…"

Her breath hitches just a bit as I continue making my lazy way down, but we are interrupted by the loud growl of my stomach.

She laughs loudly at the pouty look on my face. "We have four days, babe. Plenty of time for all of that. Let's get you some food."

I reluctantly get out of bed and follow her downstairs. I take a seat at the table as she starts up the Keurig. "Okay beautiful! What do you want to eat?"

I prob my elbow on the table and rest my head on my fist. "Hmm… How about… omelets, with lots of sausage and lots of hot sauce?"

She opens the fridge and rummages inside. "No such luck. We're out of eggs."

"What about pancakes?"

"Again, we're out of eggs."

"Well then how about I just have you?" I ask, my face the picture of innocence.

She rolls her eyes. "What about… frozen waffles?"

"We're out of those too."

"JJ! When I left we still had half a box!"

"I was hungry! And they taste so good with nutella… which we are also out of."

She sets a cup of coffee in front of me. "Okay how about I make a quick trip to the store? I could pick up some donuts while I'm out."

"I mean, or you could just stay here…" My puppy dog eyes are foiled by another loud rumble from my stomach.

"That settles it. I'm going to the grocery store." She pulls on her running shoes from where they were tossed in the front hallway and grabs her jacket from the couch. "What else do we need?"

"We could use some jelly."

She gives me a quick, chaste kiss. "I'll be back in a flash. If there's anything else, call my cell."

"Alright. Oh! And can you get a blueberry cake donut?"

"I'll be right back." She calls as she pulls the front door closed.

I smile and take a sip of my coffee. I wasn't exaggerating. Marrying Emily is the best thing that had ever happened to me. She made me feel loved and cared for in a way that I didn't know was possible. I couldn't picture my life without her.

I walk to the kitchen to add a little more sugar to my mug. My lower back begins to ache and I fruitlessly try to shift my hips to alleviate the discomfort. The dull ache seems to be centered right above my pelvis and I can't help but quietly groan. I love being pregnant but I am more than ready to give up the feeling that my body is constantly being pulled apart at the seams. I make my way back to the living room and flip on the TV. I rub my belly as I take in the Thursday morning news. Baby isn't moving as much today, but I can still feel them give me a slight kick every now and then.

The newswoman is discussing the city's upcoming winter celebration when Emily comes in, arms full of groceries.

"Are there more bags?" I ask.

"There are a few more but I've got them. The donuts are on the counter."

I heave myself off of the couch and pad into the kitchen. I retrieve my cake donut and take a bite, relishing in the sweet pastry. I quickly polish it off, more hungry than I had realized. I pick out a chocolate glazed and begin to help Emily put away the groceries.

She takes a bite out of an apple fritter and brushes her hair out of her face. "See, wasn't breakfast a good idea?" she teases. I stick my tongue out at her and eat the last of my donut. I'm feeling especially playful today, no doubt a side effect of the joy I feel at having my wife home.

She comes to stand in front of me and rests a hand on my tummy. "I didn't even ask this morning, how's baby doing today?"

"They're good! A little quiet, I think they're sleepy today."

She crouches down so that she is staring at my belly button. "Hey little one. I can't wait to meet you." She raises my shirt a bit and presses a light kiss onto my skin.

"I can't believe that tomorrow puts us at 35 weeks. I never thought the time would go this fast."

She raises into a standing position and takes me in her arms. "I know. Sometimes I feel like we just got married."

"Right? The time has passed so quickly! I'm worried that I'm going to blink and we're suddenly going to be middle aged with a houseful of teenagers running around."

She raises her eyebrows and smirks. "A houseful? Getting a little ahead of ourselves, are we?"

I can't help the blush that blooms across my cheeks. "Well, I know we never discussed it but I kind of just assumed that we would have more. I mean, don't you want to experience pregnancy?" Once I say it, my blush deepens. "I mean, I know of course that you, well when you were younger… I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, JJ. I know what you meant." She gives me a small smile. "I don't know, I guess I never thought about it. It might be nice." She pauses and tilts her head, thinking. "Although after listening to you complain for nine months the whole thing has kind of lost its appeal, y'know?" She sticks out her tongue teasingly as I swat her on the arm.

"I have not been complaining!" I retort.

She laughs and brushes the hair from my face. "I know, I'm just kidding." She leans in until our foreheads are resting together. "Although if we decided to have another, I know that I would never look as beautiful as you do, Jayje. At this moment, you are the most beautiful woman in the entire world."

I tilt my face forward and capture her lips with my own. Our kiss deepens until my hand is fisted in her hair and she has begun to inch my tee shirt up over my belly.

"We should probably move this to the bedroom," I pant.

She nips at my earlobe, quickly soothing it with a kiss. "I can't wait that long," comes her low growl. She moves us away from the counter and walks me until I come into contact with the dining room table.

I look into her eyes. "Emily, I don't know if it can support my weight, what with…" I trail off, gesturing to the wide expanse of stomach separating us.

She grabs my hips and helps me hop up onto the wooden surface. "I think you'll be just fine, and besides…" she brings her face close to mine, until were separated by mere centimeters, "…I haven't finished breakfast yet."


	15. Chapter 15

**(Hey everybody! Here is chapter 15! It's a short chapter, but Chapter 16 will be the final chapter of this fic. Never fear, though, I'm already planning on writing several follow up one shots because I am absolutely in love with this universe. As always, please leave a review, I would love to know what you think!)**

 _"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard_

Emily

I'm sitting at the kitchen table, browsing potential Christmas gifts for JJ on my laptop. We had agreed that Christmas would be simple since the baby would be the best present possible. I had several websites open in separate tabs but nothing seemed quite right. Last year, I had replaced the chain on her horseshoe charm and given her a pair of diamond earrings. They were small enough that she could wear them in the field without it being a problem. In return she had given me first edition copies of Kurt Vonnegut's _Slaughterhouse Five_ and _Mother Night._ This year however, I was coming up short.

I cycle through my web pages before coming back to a page I had pulled up about therapists in our area. I knew that JJ was reluctant, but last night as we had laid in bed, my mind had been made up. We had just over a month until the baby came. I had originally assumed that this was just something that she would work through in her own time and we would come out stronger on the other side. However, it was becoming apparent that this was not the case and the sooner we could begin to address this the better. I knew that JJ believed that she was fine and that she was fully capable of handling the baby at home, but I just didn't see how it would be possible. I would be home with them on leave for the first couple of weeks but eventually I would have to go back to work. She would be home alone with the baby. What if something happened? I would never forgive myself if something happened to either one of them.

"What are you working on?" she asks as she walks past.

I hastily minimize the browser window. "Oh… nothing really. What are you doing?"

"I'm kind of hungry, I'm going to have a little snack." she calls from the kitchen.

I can't help but laugh. "Jayje we finished dinner like twenty minutes ago."

"Eating for two, remember?"

"I'm starting to think that's just a convenient excuse!" I say teasingly.

She comes back in with a banana and a package of Oreos. "I mean, I have only have five weeks left, I need to capitalize on the pregnancy perks while I can!"

"You're not eating those together, are you?"

"Maybe."

"Jayje!" I admonish, my nose wrinkling even as I smile at her.

"I know, I know. It doesn't look like it would be good, but let me assure you: it's delicious." She untwists one of the cookies and cuts off a slice of banana. She sits it on top of the cream, replaces the top cookie and takes a bite. She hums as a satisfied smile graces her face.

"I'll take your word for it." I chuckle. I notice that her free hand is rubbing at her lower back. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I just have a backache."

"It's still hurting?"

"Yeah it's not a big deal, though. It's been hurting on and off all day."

"All day? Do you want me to rub it?"

She smiles and sits in the chair next to me. "No it's okay. It's not too bad."

"Are you sure? It's no trouble."

She catches my hand and presses a kiss to my knuckles. "Yeah. I think I will bring it up tomorrow during our appointment with Karen, though."

"That's probably for the best." I shut my laptop so I can face her head on. "Have you thought anymore about what we talked about last night?"

She is suddenly very interested in her banana-oreo creation. "I haven't really had a chance.I mean, it hasn't even been twenty four hours, Em."

I pause for a second. "Well, I really think you should."

She lets out a deep sigh. "Why?"

"Because… I feel like this is affecting your quality of life. And it makes me a little nervous."

She wrinkles her nose. "What? Emily I'm fine."

"What if I hadn't come home last night? What would you have eaten, We barely had any food in the house."

She meets my eyes. "You're being dramatic. And I could have ordered in."

"Well what about once the baby comes? What if we need diapers or they're sick and you need to get them medicine? Those can't be ordered off Seamless."

"I would have called Garcia!"

"JJ… I'm serious. I'm worried. I think you need to talk to a therapist."

"Emily I don't… ugh I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Jen we have to-"

"Just drop it! Everything is fine!"

"We can't keep avoiding this." She stands up from the table and grabs the package of cookies and the banana peel. I can feel the waves of frustration rolling off of my wife. I follow her into the kitchen and press ahead. "I'm sorry but I can't let this go. I've looked online and there are a few professionals who are willing to do house visits."

"Emily."

"I know this is scary, but I feel like this is something we need to face this as soon as possible. We only have five weeks-"

"You think I don't know that? I understand that- that-" Her face goes blank for a moment, then crumples into a grimace of pain. She leans forward and grips the counter, letting out a long groan.

"Jayje! What's wrong?" I hurry around the kitchen to where she's standing. I rub her back and brush the stray hair from her face. "Are you okay?"

"It's… I…" She groans again. She grabs onto my hand and squeezes.

"Wait are you… Is the… JJ?"  
She looks up at me, her eyes wide with fear and her forehead wrinkled in pain. Her breath was coming in short pants and she gripped my hand as if it was the only thing keeping her moored to the Earth.

"I think I'm going into labor."

It feels like my heart has jumped into my throat. _It's too early._ I clear my throat. "Are you sure?"

She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, obviously in an intense amount of pain. "Did you happen to stab me while I wasn't looking? Then, yeah I'm pretty sure I'm in labor."

She keeps squeezing my hand for a few moments longer, then lets her head rest on the counter in exhaustion.

I take a deep breath to calm myself. "Okay. This is fine. We're fine. I'm… I'm going to call Karen." She turns her head so that she can look at me. Even though she looks scared and tired and pale, I can't stop the huge grin from spreading across my face.

"JJ we're having a baby."


	16. Chapter 16

**(Here it is! The final chapter of Home! Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me. This has been a pleasure to write. I hope it has been equally as such to read. I mentioned in the last chapter that I plan on posting one shots in this universe. I guess what I really should have said, is that I already have :) My story 'A Little Gift' exists in this same universe, so if you haven't red it, go check it out! There will be more to come though, so I highly recommend subscribing to my author alert so you don't miss out.**

 **I also recently finished 'Sins' and I must say, I think it's some of my best writing that I have published. So check that out, too!**

 **Without further ado, Home Chapter 16.)**

 _"Where thou art, that is home." Emily Dickinson_

JJ

This can't be happening. It can't. It's too early. I'm only thirty five weeks along, the baby shouldn't be coming yet. I feel frozen to the spot as Emily grabs her phone from the dining room table and dials the midwife. I shift my weight from one foot to the other, still gripping the counter.

The contraction hurt in a way that I never could have been prepared for. I had felt pain before; I had broken my arm in grade school, I had been taken to the mat countless times during training at the Bureau, hell I had been straight up punched in the face in the field by an unsub. But this was different. It was beyond pain, this felt like I was literally being ripped in half.

"...and I know you said that we should call when the contractions are ten minutes apart, but it just seemed really intense, and she's only thirty five weeks… Yes. Yes, of course. Thank you so much, Karen. Yes, we'll see you in a bit."

Emily hangs up and comes back to stand by me. "Alright I called Karen, she'll be here as soon as possible. She said there's a chance you're not actually in labor. It could just be Braxton Hicks contractions, they're supposed to be mild contractions during the last trimester to help prepare your body for labor. It could just be those," she tells me as she tenderly strokes my hair.

I can't help but turn to her in desperation. "Emily, if what I just felt is something milder than labor then you can just go ahead and count me out. Because that is the worst pain I have ever felt. I don't know if I can do this…" I trail off, returning my head to the counter in front of me, tears collecting in my eyes.

"Hey, hey, none of that. Let's just try to stay calm, alright?"

My breath comes out in a sob. "How can I possibly be calm right now? We both know I'm only thirty five weeks. It's too early. It's too soon and we're going to lose another baby and it's going to be all my fault."

She gently grasps my shoulders and pulls me upright so that she can look me in the eyes.

"JJ. Listen to me. First of all, the miscarriage was in no way your fault. They warned us when we decided to try IVF that it was a possibility. It's just one of those things that happen, okay? And yes, it was awful, but we got through it. We got through it and now we're having a baby. Maybe a bit earlier than anticipated, but it's going to be okay. Alright?"

She pulls me into an embrace and I press my face against her neck. "I'm so scared, Em."

"I know. So am I. But we're just gonna take this one step at a time. Now do you wanna stay here in the kitchen? Or do you wanna go in the living room?"

I take a deep breath and consider the options. "I want to lie down in our room."

"Okay, then that's what we'll do. Let's do that," she says, keeping her voice soothing and low. She takes one of my hands in hers and wraps the other around my back. We slowly make our way across the dining and living rooms, but pause when we come to the foot of the stairs.

"One step at a time, right?" I halfheartedly joke.

She smiles and shakes her hair out of her eyes. "That's right, babe. You ready?"

I nod and steel myself. We slowly make our way up the staircase. Could it really be possible that I had descended these same steps just a couple hours ago? It felt as if I was in an entirely different body now, one that was all at once jelly and tissue paper. Every moment felt precarious and dangerous. I knew of course that this was a silly notion. Women went into labor every day, and they continued doing all sorts of tasks while they waited for the eventual birth. I can't help but remember an old family tale about my grandmother going into labor and my grandfather, in his nerves, tripping and hitting his head on a counter, knocking himself out. Stranded on a farm in the middle of the Pennsylvania countryside, she had determinedly dragged him out of the house, hoisted him into the passenger seat of the car, and driven them both to the nearest hospital, forty five miles away. I send a small prayer of gratitude to the universe that Emily is not freaking out and that she is still fully conscious. We make it up the stairs and into our bedroom. I take a seat on the edge of the bed and lean forward, my hands resting on my knees.

"Do you wanna lay down?" she asks. I nod and she helps me ease down onto my side.

"Come cuddle me?" I request softly.

She gently joins me on the bed, laying with her stomach pressed against my back. Her hands smooth over my belly. She presses a kiss into the side of my neck and I reach back to caress her cheek.

"We'll be okay, right?"

She kisses me again. "We will."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

We lay in silence for a few moments. Then another contraction hits. I curl around my stomach, trying to find a position to help lessen the pain. I grit my teeth, trying to bare through it in relative silence, but I can't quiet the low grunt that seems to resonate from deep within me. Em whispers soothing encouragements into my ear, but I can't comprehend her words. Finally, the pain eases.

"How far apart?" I pant as I try to catch my breath.

"Something like fifteen minutes, I think."

"Do you think you should call Hotch?"

She chuckles, combing my my hair away from my forehead. "Even in the midst of labor, you can still run the team. You are something else, Jennifer Jareau."

She gives me another kiss before peeling away to pull her phone from the back pocket of her jeans. She hits a few buttons and brings the phone to her ear.

"Hey Hotch. So uh… I think JJ's in labor. We don't know for certain yet, the midwife is on her way, but… it's looking that way." She pauses and listens. "Yeah, I just wanted to let you know. Yeah I'll update you when we know one way or another. Thanks, I… Thanks Hotch. Okay. Bye."

"What did he say?"

"He said that he would be thinking about us and to let him know if we need anything."

The doorbell rings downstairs. Em exits the bedroom, returning several moments later with Karen in tow. She sits her bags down on the bench at the end of our bed. "JJ darling, you just couldn't wait another day to see my beautiful face, could you?"

I give a shaky laugh. "You caught me. It's all an elaborate ruse."

She smiles and pats my shoulder. "I thought as much. But since I'm here, how about we take a look at baby, hm?"

I nod and they both help me roll onto my back. While Karen pulls on a pair of rubber gloves, Emily unties the drawstring of my sweats and gently tugs them over my hips, taking my underwear with them. I take a deep breath as Karen goes about the exam. The room is filled with tense silence.

She lets out a deep breath. "Well then. What do you say to meeting your baby?"

My heart leaps into my chest. Even though I had seriously doubted that what I was experiencing was just false labor, part of me had seized onto the hope. But this is really happening. I'm in labor. I'm going to have our baby tonight. Well, maybe not tonight, but certainly soon. I suck in a calming breath and turn to meet Emily's eyes. "I say let's do it."

She face breaks into a wide grin, one that I can't help but return. As frightened and unsure as I am, with Emily by my side I feel like I can do anything.

She helps me raise into a sitting position and I slowly come to standing. "We have all of the stuff you requested. Emily, do you wanna grab the pads and the mattress cover from the hall closet? I'll go ahead and start stripping the bed." Now that Karen has confirmed that I'm in labor, I feel more focused at the task at hand.

Emily gets just a few steps before Karen speaks up. "Jennifer… I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're only thirty five weeks."

I tug the duvet off of the bed and haphazardly fold it up. "I know. But from what you said, it's happening, right? The baby's coming?"

"Yes darling, you're already three centimeters dilated. What I mean is, my cut off date for home deliveries is thirty seven weeks. I'm sorry, I know you really wanted the experience of a home birth, but we need to head to the hospital."

The hospital. I can't have the baby at home. She wants me to go to the hospital. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I sit on the edge of the bed, avoiding her gaze.

"JJ? Baby are you okay?"

I avoid Emily's eyes as well. I can't do this. This can't be happening. She sits beside me and tries to hold my hand, but I cross my arms across my chest.

"Karen, I can't… You don't understand, I need to have the baby here. I can't go to the hospital."

"I'm sorry Jennifer, but with the baby coming this early, there's a chance they may need a little help breathing. We need to go to the hospital so that if that's the case the baby can get the necessary medical care."

I eyes well up with tears. My breathing begins to speed up, and I feel completely out of control. I cover my face with my hands, not wanting them to see how overwhelmed I am feeling.

"JJ we need to go."

"I can't."

"Jayje-"

"Emily." I drop my hands and turn to look at her. "I… can't do this. I can't leave. Please don't make me go. Emily, please." The tears are beginning to fall.

She looks at Karen. "Can we have a moment?"

She waits until she leaves before taking my hand. "Listen to me. I know you're scared. I know that you didn't want this to happen. But we're out of options, okay? This is happening. But we can do this. You can do this."

I squeeze my eyes shut. "No, I can't. I need to stay here, in our home. This is the only place I can guarantee I'll be safe-" I am cut off by another contraction. I lean forward, placing my hands on my knees, trying to brace against the pain. Emily rubs my lower back but it feels like my body is on fire. Through the pain, I vaguely register Karen coming back in. She kneels in front of me as I groan through the contraction. When it finally releases she takes my wrist and feels for my pulse. She then grabs a stethoscope from her bag and places it on my belly. She listens for several moments as I try to regain my breath.

"I'm worried what all this stress is doing to the baby. We need to go to the hospital, now." Emily nods and Karen retrieves her bags, taking them downstairs.

I can feel her looking at me, so I shake my head. "No. I can't. I won't."

"JJ, we don't have a choice."

"You promised me that nothing bad would happen!" I cry. "You said you wouldn't let anything happen to me or the baby. I need to stay here!" I suck in a deep breath. "If you love me, you'll let me stay."

"JJ that is-"

"If you love me, you'll let me stay." I repeat.

She slides from the bed and kneels in front of me. She takes my face in both of her hands and forces me to meet her eyes. "Now you listen to me. I love you. I love you and this baby more than anything. And that is why we have to go. The baby is coming early, and they're going to need medical attention, something they can only receive in a hospital. I know that you're just trying to keep them safe, but staying here is not the way to do that. Okay? And you know why else we have to go? Because you need to face this. What happened at the White Collar office was horrible. And the whole point of a terror attack is to strike fear into people's hearts. It's warfare. But you know how we fight back against terror? Bravery. Courage. Something you have more of than you could possibly know. This baby, our family, is something that we have wanted and dreamed about and fought for, and you cannot let them take this from you. You have to fight back."

She smooths a strand of hair away from my face and continues in a comforting, but strong voice. "I will be with you, every step of the way. Every moment. And I will protect you from anything I can. But I need you to trust me, okay? I need you to understand that this is what is best for the baby. Can you do that?"

I look into her eyes and I see nothing but love and compassion. I understand what she is saying, I know she's right, but I'm still overwhelmed with fear.

"I'm scared." I finally whisper.

"I know, baby. And I'm scared to. This is a scary thing. But we can do it. You can do it. Because you're Jennifer Jareau and I know that you can do anything."

I lean forward and press my lips against hers. I bring one of my hands to the back of her neck and slide it into her hair. When we finally break away, I rest my forehead against hers. "You'll be with me the whole time?"

"I promise." I nod slightly and she stands, helping me to my feet. She wraps her arm around my back again and we make the slow descent down the stairs. We find Karen in the living room.

"Are we ready to go?" she softly asks.

I meet Emily's eyes and tighten my grip on her hand. "Yes. Let's go."

I am helped into a coat and Emily grabs our purses and her keys. Karen leads the way and holds the front door open. I come to a stop at the threshold. The evening has darkened into night while we weren't paying attention. The sky outside is an inky blue and the slight breeze has an edge that makes me shiver. Emily leans in, bringing her lips to my ear. "I'm right here beside you. Always." I nod and take a deep breath.

Then I take a step outside, into the unknown, into the future.


End file.
